Lis

EVERYTHING IS FINE

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

I can't keep a plant alive to save my life but I did accidentally leave an onion on top of my fridge and it now has a very impressive sprout

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

@ElliotRieth I knew this would be a good one

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

The exact reason I hate spaghetti

[Mat George @matchu_chutrain]

I don’t know why people always say getting divorced fucks your kids life up. When my parents got divorced my dad made spaghetti every night for a year straight and it made me very appreciative of literally everything else

[jacky @JackWilliamRtF]

I Write Sins Not Anti-Vaxx Rants On Facebook

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

@ElliotRieth why don’t you marry it?

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

@tconnolly13 still waiting...

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

Tonight I ate a peanut butter and jelly and a bag of popcorn for dinner and I can’t think of a better definition of adulthood.

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

@carleyhorse6 I’ve never tried to hide it

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

Let’s get rid of this bread

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

To anyone who just watched me chase my 90 pound greyhound running at full speed around my entire apartment complex wearing pajama shorts you’re welcome for the laugh

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

I wonder if I’ll ever listen to my dentist when she tells me to floss more

[Natasha Rothwell @natasharothwell]

I feel like we’re all in a super shitty Escape Room with really obvious clues like, “vote” and “believe women” and “don’t put children in cages.”

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

Twizzler pull and peels are the string cheese of candy

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

@carleyhorse6 stfu

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

@carleyhorse6 What did I say about making a move?

[The Ellen Show @TheEllenShow]

Happy birthday, @BarackObama. You busy? We could use some help.

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

I left Elliot alone in my house for one day and he ate 12 of my string cheeses. 12.

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

@carleyhorse6 Nah

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

@carleyhorse6 stfu bish

[Lis @ElissaBesson]

@carleyhorse6 Lessgo

[Chance The Rapper @chancetherapper]

I like going to target