Elyott Ryan

Comedian

[South Park @SouthPark]

Didn’t see this on TV?

Here’s the Paramount+ version of the end credits scene.

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

@EdmontonOilers This is a horrible move and shows how low your organization will go

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

My parents always fight over money. I don’t understand why you would do jujitsu on top of loonies

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

Biggest thing I learned from Oppenheimer all physicists are horn dogs. They are either thinking of atomic particles or dat ass

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

I think I am getting old I saw Oppenheimer and I thought it would be better as a documentary

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

I am trying to get healthier. I stopped drinking soda… now I just freebase it. Way less calories

[Vancouver Canucks @Canucks]

EP40 CAME TO PLAY 💪

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

@BuffaloBills @NickMayerik I’m so so sorry for your loss. I just came across your account this morning but it looks like you gave him the best life he could possibly have!

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

If you call a sugary drink a non alcoholic cocktail you can charge double
But at shows nobody is paying more for this non alcoholic cock and tales

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

I don't have a degree, which is fine because the Earth is getting degrees for me, it keeps getting more and more degrees just to rub it in our faces

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

@PB_and_James Their Reesearch budget is off the charts

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

When you are physically lost they will send a huge expensive rescue team, with dogs, helicopters, men with abs but when you’re mentally lost, you get nothing. I need a rescue team just to find me a family doctor.

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

@MaxBjaffe 🤣

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

People say the blue check mark doesn’t verify anything anymore that’s not true everyone with a blue check mark now is a verifiable asshole

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

@MaxBjaffe They should call it shopuplifting

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

There are pros to living in a basement, I’m all ready for nuclear winter. I didn’t even know it was day today

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

Wait but what happens when you put a corn dog into a corn hole?

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

@chrislockeworld Do they practice their heckles on their partner?

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

When I didn’t have kids I thought about climate change a fair amount
When I had one kid I thought about climate change all the time
Since having two kids, I haven’t thought about it once!
I don’t have the time

[Elyott Ryan @ElyottRyan]

I’ve completely cut apples out of my life, I won’t eat an apple any day

Because I really need a family doctor