Emma Proudmore

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

I wish I lived in the 1950's, because I have a few songs I want to record about my postman. http://t.co/rjo77mK0G1

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

Some people are about as useful as the "r" in February. http://t.co/0p05uN43nf

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

http://t.co/9Jq3oZmutL No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby.

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

http://t.co/gdlWvxRPRa It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade http://t.co/oIIdPFUCow

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

Twitter can be like talking to crazy homeless people through protective glass. http://t.co/EytfBE7rRc

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

http://t.co/pjbcz0A1ez Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you?

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

Sneezed. Nobody blessed me. Going to hell. http://t.co/i4egGhheby

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

http://t.co/9PkLTLgs If you listen closely you can hear the gas pump tell your kid's college fund to go fuck itself.

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

http://t.co/b5Ukp8YD 55 in a 25 and let's just say I wasn't referring to my driving.

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

What is it about public bathrooms that brings out the white supremacist artist in people? http://t.co/sKAc8XFW

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

I raised an eyebrow once. He's an adult now, and he never calls or visits. http://t.co/ymJMYJXy

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

If the final comments of your speech last 45 minutes, please don't preface them with "and lastly". http://t.co/9Aaw61A5

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

http://t.co/tHiAvq1g I dont make typos. I make new words.

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

http://t.co/3KiTny1N I don't know if koala bears are cute or ugly. Its like, get a nose job and then we'll talk.

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

http://t.co/0RP5in8N Are you assholes still playing the lottery with the numbers from Lost?

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

I Tweet and drive because the tragedy of me forgetting a Tweet is far greater than me being injuried http://t.co/TgetWfyF

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

People who talk to themselves tend to be better lovers. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. http://t.co/D69zbu3N

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

http://t.co/eVaJA48i Tear drop tattoos should only be for people with a lazy eye so we know which one to look at.

[Emma Proudmore @Em004]

http://t.co/aF2gz1QM I wish people who made amateur porn would clean up their rooms first.