Edward Miliband

Hello I'm Edward Samuel Miliband... Labour Party Leader and future Prime Minister. I hate fucking Tories!

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

Ohh I was playing with my willy and got it caught between the door. Earl Spencer on Newsnight I see, Earl is such a fancy title.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

Rupert Murdoch was really with it when I last met him, I guess that Thai bride of his really tires him out. She's a star.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

Tip. Never use sex toys. Justine was playing around with a dildo and somehow got it lodged in my backside. Ouch. Call the doctor.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

I looked over at George Osborne, he looked back at me. Eyes of pure steel, he so won our staring contest. I guess I owe him a fiver now!

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

David Cameron. I know what you did last summer! I love the end of term, you say you will holiday in England, then u sneak off to the sun!

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

Golf is a fun game to watch. I also love hitting balls with a big stick. Ed Balls that is. He has a fetish for getting beat with sticks?

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

Harry Potter reminds me very much of myself as a teenager. I loved waving my wand and putting spells on my idiot brother. Whoooo.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

A week is a long time in politics... My cock is also long, like a snake, a big slimy snake that finds a way to wriggle into small holes.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

My teeth looked top notch on tv this morning. I guess they would be hard to miss. This week was perfect, worked out how I wanted it to.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

@TomCurragh I even know the kind of pizza you are having!

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

@Alex_HustonNI In a bed.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

@oscarpower Ohh... I like just grinding the pillow and dreaming of Cherie Blair.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

@MediocreDave What knickers to buy for the crossdressing meeting at my house?

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

@DavidMcGookin THEY DO? Ahhhhhhh.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

@JonnieMarbles David actually stole my toys! I always would beat him when we played "Prime Minister" he said I would never lead Labour.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

@TerribleTGirl You can buy sheets that catch the dye, and stop such things from occuring. So Justine says.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

@devilW0M4N I've shagged Diane before.. She's a pretty lady with an epic fanny....

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

@d_incurable I agree, it really is a disgrace...

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

I love quiet days in Parliament, you look around and know that you can let a good loud fart. The deaf backbenchers never know who done it.

[Edward Miliband @EMiliband]

@TheTeeShock Ahh Enda, I didn't know that you did this Twitter thing too! I admire your leadership of Ireland from afar, love your style.