Em

[Karen Boss 🦩 @kbworld33]

Back in June, I help my mom clean out her pool shed. There's a strand of old twinkle lights with plastic flamingos. "Throw them out," she says. "They don't work." But I see that the flamingos came off easily, so I start to pull them off. "I can do something with these."

[Ohio State Football @OhioStateFB]

Leader. Legend. Forever a Buckeye.

[World-Herald Jays @OWHjays]

In just one season as a Bluejay, Ryan Hawkins has been everything the Creighton coaches hoped he'd be — and then some.

"I'd take him on my team for the rest of my life and be thrilled with it."

Get the story from @JonNyatawa: https://t.co/nGuBDjfVaB

[Dan Vargason @DVargason]

Absolutely heartbroken. Please pray for the Andersen Family. We will all miss Avery and his energetic personality.

[Chicago & Midwest Storm Chasers @ChicagoMWeather]

Atlantic, IA Tornado... @NWSDesMoines @NWSOmaha @ryanhallyall - Flipped semis and massive dust swirl! #iawx @tornado

[Em @EmilyJHoho]

jw when the “reply all” option for email has ever benefited anyone in ANY form other than humiliation

asking for a friend

[Em @EmilyJHoho]

Nearly every month for the past 3 years I’ve received a phone call from the same number. Each time it’s an elderly woman asking for Rosemary.

When is an acceptable time for me to legally change my name to Rosemary and give the poor woman what she wants ??

[girlplastic @whoisgrlplsc]

i can’t explain it but this is how i feel

[Brianna Buseman @BriannaBuseman]

This winter I either need to get a boyfriend or a remote car starter

I don’t need both but I definitely need one

[Žan @killtrasher]

Me: I can study with music, it helps me concentrate

Also me 5 mins later:

[Neddy @neddyandthejets]

Need to listen to some Fleetwood Mac and re-evaluate my life

[Em @EmilyJHoho]

y’all ever slap a mole on your leg thinking it was a bug? asking for a friend

[Em @EmilyJHoho]

My patient today: you’re a student, could you tell me how to find the circumference of a cylinder?

Me: sir, I have not taken a math course in almost 4 years. There’s a reason I’m cleaning your teeth right now and not studying to be an engineer

[Em @EmilyJHoho]

@the_real_jenho I hope to God you never order wings again, or at least don’t call me if you do

[Em @EmilyJHoho]

@the_real_jenho am just pleased to hear you’ve given up the captain crunch berries binge

[James @CaucasianJames]

i knew EXACTLY what this said. 6 years of taking spanish has finally paid off

[🧞‍♂️ @Scoulios]

My mans House would pop 6 Vicodin on Thursday and have that cure by Saturday morning.

[Em @EmilyJHoho]

@ejwalkerr My vote is for a donkey

[Em @EmilyJHoho]

@KennedyPlowman @BigNate_62 You are Mine will be played at my funeral. No arguments

[C @CassidyWard12]

know your worth by khalid really out here speaking to me