Em

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

Hear me out. @Bitcoin, changin lives

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

Only communicating as the octopus Memoji from here on out. goodbye.

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

I would like Taylor Swift to fade away probably just as much as guys want Tom Brady to retire

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

I feel like it’s important to say that you probably shouldn’t care what people think of when you decide to put up Christmas decor

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

Half of the conservative weirdos i went to school with were ready to ditch @Nike forever not too long ago... why does this feel so deferent and weird?

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

Has @adidas even fucking said anything yet though??

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

Aquaphor makes a aerosol spray. You’re welcome. Or if you’re normal, cool, right?

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

Ya know that TikTok where girls are begging guys to just like fully put their baseball hat on? Ya i feel like we need everyone to get on board with that but beanies.

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

If you see a word in a text that is not only something i wouldn’t use but also oddly capitalized… it’s because i used speak to text😇 no spelling b champ here

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

There is quite literally a shooting every 4th of July, quit fucking acting like this is a surprise and start acting like this is actually a problem.

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

Legit considering deleting snap bc i click the Amazon ads EVERY TIME. And now that I’m typing this i feel like i should’ve deleted it forever ago?

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

I mean WAS i sad about a boy 2 days ago? Yes. Am i now? No. Bc 3 random old men called me beautiful and i got fat tips at work last night lmaooooo

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

The fact dirty Shirley’s are “in” right now makes me sad to be alive tbh.

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

I found a pineapple keychain at work and put it on my swipe card without really thinking, and now every time i go to swipe it I’m wondering if my guests think I’m into swinging

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

I��m sorry but am i so old that 21 yr olds at the bar look like they’re goin for a fucking hike or am i just in Colorado?

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

Nice weather comes out and Emily is back to being toxic again…. I really need to break this cycle 😅

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

Can someone fully explain this radonda thing? How is she not blameless?? No i don’t think being prosecuted the way she is is right but SOS bc I’m kind of confused

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

The kardashians are digging a deep ass grave 😂

[Em @EmilyPerry314]

Once again I’m coming to twitter to voice how fucking much I’ve watch cloudy with a chance of meatballs the past two weeks….. because is it over 5 times??? Yeah yeah yeah like prob over 10