Em (is happy to be here)

Bike enthusiast, also likes to run around mountains

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

landlords: we must raise rent

costco ceo: i would rather burn this place to the ground than charge more than $1.50 for a hotdog

[Big Tucson Dad @BigTucsonDad]

I went to the silly goose convention and they all knew you

[Stephen Sajdak @stephensajdak]

Welcome to Should You/Shouldn’t You wear a jacket season! Whatever you choose will be wrong! You will sweat! You will freeze! You will suffer!

[แจ๊ค™ @thailandexotic]

in marriage, whoever has the cooler last name gets to continue their legacy. reject tradition

[awalmartparkinglot ✨🪩🕺🏼🖤 @awalmartparking]

Idk who needs to hear this but years 18-23 were the darkest time of my life and I was terrified the entire time bc everyone said they were the “best years of my life” and then shit got better bc my brain finished growing and I started actually taking care of myself

[erin ♡ @erinmhk]

LMFAO

[ScottyJohns @highroadsaloon]

I said to my wife "Do you think anyone will commit suicide because they could not get an abortion?"
She instantly replied "yes."
Then she added "there will be all those boyfriends and husbands that murder them because they couldn't get one too" and that shook my fucking world.

[Em (is happy to be here) @EminRealTime]

having a weird time but not a bad time

[Katie Nolan @katienolan]

adulthood is mostly just trying not to say “are you fucking kidding me” to people who have gotta be kidding you

[Porter @ItsRetrop]

“wya” my limit bro, i’m at my limit

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

them: *doesn’t text back immediately*

my brain: they’re dead or hate me

[ely kreimendahl @ElyKreimendahl]

it’s valid to not want kids. it’s valid to also not want a career. it’s valid to want a peaceful, child-free cabin in the woods where you pick berries and never work again

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

What is it about air travel and/or long car rides that makes you feel like you rubbed an entire stick of butter on your face

[Em (is happy to be here) @EminRealTime]

I don’t care what bar I’m in, I WILL find a beer that’s as cheap and delicious as Rainier (Indiana has PBR so we’re cruising)

[Em (is happy to be here) @EminRealTime]

Final thought: I am of the firm belief that if I am paying by for a ride service I should NOT have to help navigate

[Em (is happy to be here) @EminRealTime]

In addition, Ted’s dad is going to think I’m a chain smoker.
Wowza.