Em Coke

everyone’s least favorite vegan | she/her

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

My little brother and I took our dog on a date to show her how she deserves to be treated #datenight

[stella ⟡ ݁ @brokenbrds]

“im a top” “im a bottom” okay???? im vengeance??? i am the night??? i’m batman??

[Jamie @spacej_me]

My therapist always starts our session with “How are you?” and I always say “I’m good!” and then spend the next hour talking about how I am decidedly Not Good.

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

i can’t get “a job” what if my friend texts me

[danielle @sightofthesun_]

hey @Spotify i’d love my money back for my perfectly functional car thing that will cease to work at the end of this year thanks

[clare @sadderlizards]

no no you don’t want to get to know me i’m better as a concept

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

Thinking about how when I was a kid my mom changed the phrase “for shits and gigs” to for “kicks and gigs” and I didn’t know what the actual phrase was until I was in my 20’s

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

My dad just angrily called me because I sent him a LinkedIn connection request

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

My boyfriend and I are listening to an episode of a podcast I completely forgot I had written an experience into and he goes “did you write this” and turns out I did lol

[B N @BisHilarious]

Rent really don’t make no sense like why is my apartment getting a raise every year who is doing the performance review

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

absolutely destroying my Spotify algorithm with relaxing songs for my dog’s separation anxiety

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

@hagelslaglover You’re right yet again!

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

When he supports your delusions

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

My bf and I have an agreement whenever I miss an event and he gets to go, he lies to me and tells me it was awful

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

Just sent my bf into a liquor store to take shots of bourbon

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

My parents recently discovered A24 so

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

I text my mom every time there’s Barbie news and she truly couldn’t care less

[Em Coke @Emkochster]

Fell asleep for TEN MINUTES on my plane and missed a guy getting kicked off the plane

[puff @rishipuff]

sorry but as a former mascot i have to point out that you're never supposed to present the character's head decapitated from the rest of the body! it breaks the illusion! he would've kept the head on if he truly had respect for the form