EmoJesus

I used to be emo, and tweet for your sins, but now I am evil! 666 tweets! follow @graemeVSgraeme

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

This is tweet number 666!

I am no longer emo, because I am EVIL!

-hate emo jesus

p.s the devil didn’t make me do it, because I am the devil! I ate him for breakfast!

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

Thank you for following me for 13yrs. The next tweet will be my last! Why? My dad forgot my password and can’t access the email address anymore.

What a jerk. That’s right, my dad, God, is a forgetful jerk!

IT’s been swell, but the swelling has gone down…

-love emo jesus

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

Ladies and germs. It is I Emo Jesus, and I have something very important to say in upcoming tweets!

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

It’s almost my birthday, and I can cry wine if I want to, wine if I want to, but no whining!

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

If those wise guys show up this year, they better be 6ft away from each other, and when people see them on their way they can say “Look, those are some wise men right there! Follow the light wise men, follow the light!”.

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

My stupid birthday is coming up, and the only way I can see my dad is by waiting until I get stoned in 2021, but I don’t when that weekend is. I haven’t gotten a new calendar yet.

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

@amanjo Since I’m probably less than 6ft from you if your in the car, you probably shouldn’t drive. I will not pay your fine 😉

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

On the 3rd day, I was all like “phuck that. I’m not coming out. I’m not rising from the dead so I can catch some stupid virus. Easter is phucking cancelled! I’m ordering a non-touch delivered pizza!”

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

I need to measure the boulder to see if the angels will be able to move it. If they’re less than 6ft apart, I request the they postpone everything.

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

Holy 💩 balls!
Since I was alone for my last supper, I have so many leftovers! I hope tomorrow is canceled, because I don’t want my leftovers to go bad before I get out in 3 days.

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

Oh 💩... my calendar got all screwed up due to covid-19. The #LastSupper is cancell#ed due to too many people gathering. I guess #GoodFriday is cancelled, too... and Easter. Sorry folks, I’ll just get myself stoned this year instead!

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

Where the hell are the Wise Men with my presents? Phuckers better get here, and bring me good stuff!

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

It’s my Birthday Eve Eve. Bring me presents. Bring me all the new smart home devices. I need to spruce up my man cave for the spring!

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

And it’s not even Christmas... i mean my birthday. In Twitter years, I’m old AF!
Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

God, damn it... I mean.. Dad, damn it!
My stunt double got sick from eating bad fish tacos.

What does that mean for me? I’m just up here on the cross, hanging around, peeing on the fire, and getting stoned! #soundslikeanafternoon #goodfriday #myass

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

If I am going to hang around again this year, let’s have some fun with it! I wonder I can borrow Tommy Lee’s drum set roller coaster. Set my cross on there, and let me go weeeeeeeeee!

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

Even if I hang out on the cross come this Friday, I’m not going to die!

They can try and light the fire my ass, but the jokes on them. I’m going to pee on the flames to put the fire out!

And I’ve already checked... my wine filled urine doesn’t make the fire worse.

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

The New Testement is out dated AF. No mention of my tweeting!

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

I’ve decided that I don’t feel like dying this year. Wait... I will dye eggs, but I will not be dying. Nothing good comes of that, trust me!, and that shtick is old. Someone rewrite my story and sell it on Amazon!

[EmoJesus @EmoJesus]

I’m 10 in Twitter years!!!

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary