Emma Singleton

I practiced preventing tiredness through procrastination before Twitter. They just greased the wheels.

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

If I'm asking you which of your children you love the most, it's because you have a pinned tweet.

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

20 Pics Of People Caught In An Agonizing Moment That Will Make You Feel Slightly Less Numbed For Three Seconds!

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

You know what's awesome? Not much.

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

Is anybody really ever away from Twitter?

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

What? Putting my foot in my mouth is just part of my work out routine.

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

It's about your performance art increasing drugs. We all worry about you. Can you just sit down so we can talk?

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

I just learned about the word "postjudiced". Seeing how I always know best, it feels like I got my hands on kryptonite.

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

Just before I die, I'm gonna change my FB status to "Sure there's some screaming going on but I honestly thougt it would be hotter".

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

Back off or I'm gonna hurt you right in the feelings.

[ceej @ceejoyner]

The one thing egg nog enthusiasts, magicians, DEA agents, and satanists can agree on is the turtleneck.

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

The world's tallest mermaid.

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

Is it too early to start saying "Back in my day, we used to pour buckets of ice over ourselves"?

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

"Italian food" means "saturated fats served on a kingsize bed of stupid carbs" in italian. In english it means "stuff my face full of that".

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

I used to have a hard time focusing on the present. I still do but I also used to.

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

*panics and sets phone to fight mode*

*737 turns into F16*

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

"OK, duck face products. Let's think outside the box. Ideas?"
"Well, I got this dog that I hate..."

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

So there I was being told they'd prefer if I leave thinking how did I become a preferred customer in the first place the way I was going on.

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

I got Uber on my phone now. Guess you could say I'm a bit of a prepper.

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

I seem to be allocated a smaller amount of fucks to give every year.

[Emma Singleton @EmTweeted]

This means you should get to drive when you're three, right?