Eric

[Mike Bales 🫡🇺🇸 @MikeBales]

Why does everyone force introverts to leave their comfort zone, but no one forces extroverts to shut the f*ck up for a while?

[rodrick @randmtwtuser04]

if i were a manager i’d let my employees goof off and dick around while i sit in the back office and abuse substances

[scar @imfat]

I love saying “sounds good” at work when i couldn’t care less

[junie b. jonestown @elizabethbelsky]

Fun fact: children are young humans who are in the process of learning how to be adult humans and exist in the human world! Dogs, on the other hand, will never be humans and therefore do not need to experience "going inside a coffee shop" at any point in their canine lives.

[Corporate Dudes @corporatedudes]

Too weak notice

[sydney @squid_bees]

once i asked my dad his favorite color and he said “who gives a shit”

[𝖐𝖚𝖘𝖍𝖇𝟔𝖗𝖇𝖎𝖊❦™️ @kushb6rbie]

they stop asking for ur ID once the light in your eyes is gone

[Bobble Bardsley @bobblebardsley]

How people can park outside my house in a 4-door car and then slam 25 doors will always be a mystery to me.

[Mike Bales 🫡🇺🇸 @MikeBales]

Brothers, had to break it down for my wife yesterday.
We don’t hate bathroom stops. We hate getting back on the road and seeing all the cars we passed like 10 minutes ago.
Feels like we’re losing some unspoken race. Anybody else wired like this?

[BENZO-KAZOOIE @BENZOTOOIE]

Simpsons did it

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

I saw someone say, “No spoilers for The Odyssey.” Brother, you’ve had 3,000 years to read the book.

[Xeriland @Xeriland]

The one in the mouth is the trouble maker.

[JayJay ᥫ᭡ @Jameca2011]

i knew i was old when they rearranged the grocery store and i got mad af

[Big Choctaw @Derekalexander_]

As an adult, missing trash day is one of the biggest L’s you can take

[Jacson A. Bevens, LX @JacsonBevens]

Woke up 30 minutes earlier than normal to spend some extra time with my early-riser wife and let me tell you something… she was NOT pleased

[Simpsons Daily Glavins 🏴‍☠️🇺🇲 @simpsons_DG]

"Hello, Kent. Hello, Homer! My arch nemesis..."

"Y'ello!"

"Uh... you do realise who this is?"

"Uh... Marge?"

"No, Homer, I'm not your wife, although I do enjoy her pearls."

#ripSamNeill

[Super 70s Sports @Super70sSports]

One of the most jarring things about adulthood is the realization of how many truly incompetent people are in the most important jobs. When I was a kid, I just assumed everyone “important” was smart or they wouldn’t be important. Boy, was that fucking wrong.

[Thrilla the Gorilla @ThrillaRilla369]

Listen, am I the most attractive guy out there?
Of course not. But do I have a good personality?
No.
But do I wake up everyday and try to be the best person I can be?
Also no.

[erin chack @ErinChack]

One time I made eye contact with a homeless guy so I said “Hey how’s it going” and he said “Not too good im homeless.”