EvilManWhore

Supervillain Extraordinaire

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

When your barber spends more time counting all your white hair and criticizes you for having them, maybe it's time to look for a new one.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

When you realize that you have the same hairdo as your Lhasa Apso-Shih Tzu, it's maybe time to get a hair cut -- and maybe a shave as well.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Convincing your wife that it's ok to watch Bugs Bunny while taking a break is like a "Rabbit Season-Duck Season" moment -- Futile but funny.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Why watch BEAUTY & THE BEAST when I'm living it everyday. My wife's a BEAUTY and I cringe whenever she gets mad and turn all BEAST on me.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

There comes a time in your freelance life when you're faced with a BATMAN moment and you're resisting the urge to kill your client/Joker.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Didn't realize shooting an amusement park would be this heartbreaking. My innerchild's screaming… https://t.co/4udJfmNNZq

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

"I'm pretty sure work-at-home doesn't mean WORK-WITHOUT-BATHING", texted my wife just across the room.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

SATISFACTION is an elevator full of smartly dressed folks and you're in a stained undershirt, Batman jammies and carrying a pee-drenched pup

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Everytime I'm done giving my 8-month puppy a bath, he immediately murders his purple teddy bear and does this while glaring at me.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

This is why you should never drink with your owner. https://t.co/RsPvpvNkVJ

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Great. I'm probably going to be bugged (and banned) in the next few years or so. https://t.co/ikStGhpxJi

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Dear Easter Bunny(5): I told you never to go to that rabbit breeding farm in Morocco. Now look at you you now. Good bye, Easter Bunny.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Dear Easter Bunny(4): It's nice that you're ecofriendly now. But to steal back the eggs from those kids just to reuse them next year? C'mon!

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Dear Easter Bunny(3): The stress must be getting to you. The eggs I got weren't chocolate or had candy inside. They were REAL. Rotten, even.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Dear Easter Bunny(2): I know how much you hate the greedy. But was it really necessary to feed all those eggs to that fat child all at once?

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Dear Easter Bunny: I know you try very hard each year to hide your eggs. But don't you think inside that rabid dog's pen was a bit too much?

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Manchild has the right(4): to discuss his Geekery in public without being handed his medication AFTER -- No I don't need my inhaler now mom.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Manchild has the right(3): to watch a really scary movie in his manly lonesome -- Then porn surf afterwards to get rid of the terror & fear.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Manchild has the right(2): to devour all the ice cream he wants on a lonely Friday night while watching TLC--Samantha Brown, you turn me on.

[EvilManWhore @EvilManWhore]

Manchild has the right: to cry...I mean, WEEP inside his car while listening to Air Supply and the Carpenters -- You sing it, Karen!