Nothing stays good for long and every day is another day of waiting for the other shoe to drop. I don’t know how to move on because my mind just replays the worst moments of my life over and over if I stop for even a second. I could have the perfect day with people who love me and once I’m alone it’s like it never even happened. Hitting new milestones don’t make me feel anything. They just remind me of how ungrateful I am for not being grateful. The things that used to give me joy no longer do. I let all of my plants die. Everyone says it can’t get worse but it always does. Everyone’s moved on with their lives and I’m still stuck here. I no longer pray for closure or strength. I just think to myself, “I want to go home” but I don’t even know what that means.