One of the biggest predictors for the couple to stay together versus getting divorced was this thing around a bid for connection. The gottman institute did this study called bids for connection. So a bid for connection is when someone makes a comment that sounds like a throwaway comment, a married couple is sitting together and the husband might say, well, look at that bird. It doesn't matter if you look at the bird, it's just a bird. They're not really into birds. Who cares ultimately, but if if the partner either ignores it or dismisses it you didn't pick up that bid for connection. If the partner says, yeah, wow, look at that. But oh, there's another one there. And if your partner picks it up, bang, that's a connection and then you get that. It's these tiny things but if your partner is never picking up that bid for connection, eventually you stop throwing out that bid. So then the only time you talk is for things that have to be spoken about, important things. But then all those little spontaneous conversations die.
@_kingjonah Its not about her shape. Im hating on the fact that if she leans against a fruit stand, her bare ass will be touching my apples. I want a choice in whose ass i eat, smdh
Just because you are good to people doesn’t mean they’ll be good to you back; don’t expect that.
Be kind, but don’t be naive.
Help others but never at the cost of your own peace.