Fake Timothy Parker

I'm definitely not a Guinness-recognized crossword editor. How dare you accuse me of such a thing.

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Who's a guy gotta plagiarize to get an @ettuetui guest spot?

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Plenty of room over here, Mr. Powell.

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Why does it always have to be snakes?

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

It pays to get in on the ground floor. I snapped up ***@gmail.com before anyone else could get it!

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

100-year-old crosswords are for 100-year-old people. Brand-new puzzles are for brand-new people.

Hang on; let me work on this one a bit.

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Two crosswords a day! 3,285 puzzles a year! You know what they say: quantity means quality!

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Wait a second... other people having ideas first has never stopped me before! I'm gonna be rich!

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

More like PuzzleSux, amirite??

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Mostly I'm just irritated I didn't think of it first.

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Still hasn't happened! #TeflonTim https://t.co/sklGfMFH7j

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Everyone knows I left the USA Today gig to spend more quality family times.

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Proud to have the rights to over 130 billion tweets, a Guinness record!

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Haters gonna hat

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

"""You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." -- Wayne Gretzky" -- Michael Scott" -- Timothy Parker

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Happy Thanksgiving! Today, I'm thankful for lax editorial standards.

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Hey, I thought today's puzzle was a knockout!

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

@FakeWillShortz Business as usual!

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Shout-out to my man @somekindofguy39. He gets it.

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

.@PhillyInquirer for the Pulitzer!

[Fake Timothy Parker @FakeTimParker]

Excited to be joining the Trump administration as NSA director!