False Peter Griffin

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

If you're not raising your boys to respect women they will never become men.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

I'm so Lucky!!! I'm always getting head from girls that "Normally don't do this"

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

You know you suck at spelling when spell check had no idea what the fuck your trying to spell

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

I hate pulling out, I rather just change my number.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

I like that 1 Rap song where they talk about how much money they have.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

Turn a man down for sex, he gets over it. Turn a woman down? Oh. My. God.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

You never really see how toxic someone is until you breathe fresher air.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

You're not going to want my number after we fuck. You're going to want my autograph.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

You may be a good person deep down inside, but I don't carry around a shovel.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

Wanna be 'happy' on twitter? Tweet only for yourself. If people like it, great. If not, who fucking cares.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

Not liking me will always be your problem. Never mine.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

I don't always put my iPod on shuffle, but when I do, I skip every single song.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

She caught me blow drying my penis and asked what i was doing. Apparently "heating up your dinner" was not the right answer.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

That awkward moment when your sarcasm is so advanced, people actually think you're stupid.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

girls are like CDs: not all are good, some skip, but the ones worth listening to stay in your head. also theres a hole to put your finger in

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

Gods don't kill people, people with gods kill people.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

Nothing brings two people together faster than the hatred of a third person.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

Suicide terrorists: jokes on you! Virgins totally suck. Have fun jerking off while she cries.

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

Why is "patience" a virtue? Why can't "hurry the fuck up" be a virtue?

[False Peter Griffin @FalsePeterFG]

If you watch me masturbate backwards I stop crying about halfway through.