Famous Derek Kearney

This is Derek from an alternate universe where he's a famous international DJ's account. I complain about 5 star hotels, first class in planes and being scaldy.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

I'm only using twitter nowadays because I lift and I want to post selfies of myself cus I'm hella jacked. C'mere muscly delishes.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

Even though I don't need to I might use kickstarter for my next project. FUND MY OPULENCE PEASANTS.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

Does anyone ever double drop communion when they go to mass? Get wrecked on christ like?

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

@WayOverDunne @serial_thriller @WARdublin I'd get him to shut his cockholster fairly quickly x

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

And for the love of christ (lol) would SOMEBODY bring me an Evian? #ugh

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

So anyway, after being deported from Thailand I'm back. European stadium tour anyone? Thinking of calling it Blowies, Bitches and Bling.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

Buddhist blowies are the best.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

As in I snuck in loads of spirits and everybody relapsed. We had a fucking sesh and a half.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

So, sorry for the lack of updates you guys, just got back from a buddhist detox rehab centre in Thailand. Shit was SO spiritual yo.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

Somebody give me a multimillion euro record deal... I actually had to drink ballygowan today. Couldn't afford Evian. Verging on breakdown.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

Right, its been a terrible couple of weeks, dropped by the label, locks changed, no cash. Homeless delish...clinging on to marketability...

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

A recent gig of mine...

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

"Community service"? Eh hello your honour, listen to my albums and try and tell me I'm not doing the community a service. #getwithit

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

All of this could have been avoided but no @WayOverDunne wouldn't answer his phone so I had to neck a bottle of vodka and deck a guard.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

UGH. Court appointed rehab. Lindsay will never let me live this down after all the stick I gave her.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

So far every single one of my cards has been declined, Mastercard, Visa, AmEx. I'm scared and hungry and Kirsty won't pick up her phone

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

Also talk of my label dropping me? But I created the label... What is going on? I need a vodka or seven.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

Back from Berlin and for some reason the locks have been changed on my pad. Still no sign from @WayOverDunne

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

Lana Del Rey also pretended not to know who I was this evening the absolute bitch.

[Famous Derek Kearney @Famous_DerekK]

Right, just got a cease and desist letter from @WayOverDunne . And he's not even here to tell me what a cease and desist letter is. UGH.