Harley Jarvis

Viva los Bio Dome

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

So Tom Hanks was all like “Earn this!”
And Matt Damon was all like “Make me!”

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

Are chinese finger traps racist?

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

Does it matter if an iphone is made with titanium if the screen breaks anytime you drop it

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

Gary Glitter would like that my 4 year old likes Rock and Roll part 2

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

@GovernorShapiro I’ll give you $100 for that jacket. I’m open to negotiate. DM me Gov

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

🎶Ive got a pocket, pocket full of sunchips🎶

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

Happy Stone Cold Steve Austin day!

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

Updating my Hinge profile!

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

Giving myself life advice in the mirror

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

Predator 2: Predator in the City

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

The charmin bears didnt use to be red or as open and confident about their clean assholes

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

‘What a Crock’ is actually a terrible name for a crockpot business. Just slow cookin shit all day.

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

Nixon was like “I’m not gunna let some commie fuck beat us to the moon. Khrushchev can suck my dick.”
That’s fighting spirit. That’s what makes a lion.
Modelo: made for those with a fighting spirit

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

At the end of Frozen, Queen Elsa names Kristoff the official Arendell Ice Master and Deliverer, leaving many workers’ families hungry, taking away their means to provide.

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

@morri_mike I watched it in my childhood bedroom where i slept, worked, and ate meals in for a year!

[Simon Lebron @morri_mike]

The Hess Corp’s back with new propaganda/for children this year/your war machine’s here!
It’s the Hess-15 and it’s bombing a wedding/in Yemen this year/with Christmas cheer!

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

Typical Philly fans

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

Corona might as well hire Jared as their spokesperson at this point

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

@morri_mike Because you’d be too caught up trying to figure out which of the 22 players fucked up and how that you wouldn’t give Chevy Truck Month the full attention it deserves

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

@morri_mike You and my dad can watch shows with subtitles on together

[Harley Jarvis @FartMasterMike]

Who is the piece of shit tackle that allowed Rudy to get a sack?