FastLaugh

Recovering hashtag game addict

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@rockskimmer —That Mesopotamian Show

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@rockskimmer —That Mesopotamian Show

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@MysterySolvent Pervple

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Q: If Ted Cruz were a new beverage, what would it be named?

A: Cancun Cola

[Mystery Solvent @MysterySolvent]

If Ted Cruz were a new beverage, what would it be named?

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Q: Where does George Santos get his sweaters?

A: The Credibility Gap

[Mystery Solvent @MysterySolvent]

Where does George Santos get his sweaters?

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Q: What’s the name of this band?

A: A Frock of Seagulls

[Mystery Solvent @MysterySolvent]

What’s the name of this band?

#StateOfTheUnionAddress

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#TongueTwister

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@rockskimmer Nick picks cheese sticks at the cheese store. 🧀

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@rockskimmer Nick picks cheese sticks at the cheese store. 🧀

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@RobertGarcia @RuPaul To paraphrase, “Good job, you f - - - - ed it up.”

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@rockskimmer Schrödinger, in the checkout line at Walmart, buying a shovel to bury his cat and a big bag of cat food to simultaneously feed it. He announced his planned physics experiment to the person behind him in line but sadly for his cat, that person was not fluent in Austrian-Irish.

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@rockskimmer You Make Me Feel Like Pantsing could plausibly have been sung by this guy.

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#CannibalismRomCom @StephenKing

10 Things I Ate About You

Pretty, Tasty Woman

Boneless in Seattle

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#InflationSizedConfections One Musketeer

@rockskimmer

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@rockskimmer Newborn Ruth #InflationSizedConfections

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For barbers…
Make it Hairbnb

@rockskimmer

[David Davidson @rockskimmer]

For villains…
Make it Lairbnb

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#CheezItExperiments @tacobell’s “Mini Cheez-It Tostada” conveyor belt that delivers your Taco Bell 🔔 order directly into your mouth at the drive-up window without all of that wasteful, costly packaging.

[Dave Itzkoff @ditzkoff]

Sorry but I'm only interested in a Cheez-It that's at least 17 times the standard size. Until then don't waste my time.

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@tribelaw @JohnWDean If Scavino eventually flips, that will be a BIG DEAL. #SurpriseWitness

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#NextSCOTUSOutrage Supermarkets prohibited from selling fertilized eggs for human consumption because that would kill the chicken fetuses before they could grow large enough to be monetized by the Poultry-Industrial Complex controlled by the supermarkets. #ClarenceThomasLogic

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@felixgillette 👍

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@koblin @felixgillette I’ll look forward to reading. I’m a former HBO (The Comedy Channel) employee (1990-1993) from the era of The Comedy Channel vs. Ha! kerfuffle between Fuchs and Biondi that morphed into HBO Downtown Productions and Comedy Central. Fun times those were!

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@BreitbartNews That’s nothing, folks! My dental hygienist, who delivered a passionate plea for me to brush and floss more regularly, has given me 11 toothbrushes, 11 tubes of @Crest, and enough floss to macrame a two-person hammock during the last three years, according to my appreciative gums.