d. u. m. p.

friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiccccccccccccckkkkkkkkk

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

"Pastor Jeff?"
"Yes my child?"
"Do you ever get pissed off that you weren't named Christian or Moses or some shit instead of fuckin jeff?"

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

ITS FUCKIN GHOST HOUR THIS IS BULLSHIT

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

*friend falls off boat*
Yooo man BROverboard!!!!
*chugs a non alcoholic beer and pukes*

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

So Fat Bottomed Girls was actually about DUDES. Haha. Shit i think im gay.

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

!!!!!!

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

🎶Im cold blooded, check it and see. Ive got a lizard tongue inside of meeee🎶

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

*gets into cab*
Where ya goin pal?
Oh nowhere i just really wanted that frito on the seat. Bye.

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

Somewhere out there, at this very moment, my dream girl is humming "Break Stuff" by Limp Bizkit to herself.

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

Where can i get a riley cooper jersey

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

Three words you NEVER want to hear:
Fuck that ape
Weird twitter rocks
Cop starts breakdancing
Wanna trade blowups
I love dogboner

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

My new game is trying to find Andrew WK tweets that dont include the word "party" and trying to figure out why.

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

Did you even read the Yelp review, Charlie Brown?

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

Theres nothing like suckling on a good dong.

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

*prank call*
"Sir is ur fridge running"
"Why yes it is"
"WELL YOUD BETTER GO CA-"
*fridge smashes through house, totally wrecks kid*

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

If you use your non-dominant hand to shoot yourself in the head it feels like someone else is doing it.

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

"Yippee ka-yay motherfucker" says Bruce Willis as he mounts the wall to twerk. He then falls flat on his face and cries for several minutes.

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

Dave Dittell is a lovely, kind hearted and responsible man.
*hides in room for 6 years, secluded*
".....not"

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

Lol i love motorcycles
*leans on one causing it to fall knocking over 7 others*
*8 cool but angry dads walk out*
*hugs dads*

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

#QuestionsObamaWontAnswer do you answer everything with bitch i might be

[d. u. m. p. @FireDumpster]

#QuestionsObamaWontAnswer 🐢