Freddie Funnybone

Official account for Freddie Funnybone. I am a sit down comedian, I refuse to do stand up. Sitting is the new smoking. I put the un in funny

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

@elonmusk You are not going to war in a tesla?

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

@elonmusk Stay woke coming out of the closet...

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

@nabtrade Start trading with confidence!

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

An anagram of omicron is moronic. Where all da conspiracy theorists at?! #Omicron

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

@comicrobbrown Prison green suits her...

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

@Microsoft Since you are on a mission to empower, you should rename PowerPoint to EmpowerPoint.

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

@Hasbro Yo Hasbro, will you be making your name gender neutral by removing the bro from it? Potato Head by Has.

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

I always thought Die Hard would be a great name for a porno. It would give new meaning to a stiff. #diehard

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

A vegan never looks foolish. Because they won't be caught with egg on their face. #vegan #VeganProblems #eggs

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

The last book I read: Facebook. #readinglist #Facebook #books #reading

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

I am not a hopeless romantic. I am just hopeless. #Romantic #love #Romance

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

You don't sound like a broken record. More like an MP3 on repeat. #brokenrecord #mp3 #repeat #complaining

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

When travel to mars becomes reality, what will happen to the phrase: I love you to the moon and back? #mars #Loveyou #love #marriage #moon

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

Oh, the irony. The mint in my herb garden is never in mint condition. #mint #gardening #herbs #organic

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

Do probiotics work? Just trust your gut. #probiotics #gut #ibs

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

If you are phenomenal, you can also be feenomenal. #phenomenal #thebest #expensive #worthit

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

Are my internet cookies gluten and/or sugar free? #cookies #glutenfree #sugarfree #internet #chrome #Firefox

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

Why would anyone want to be a deep sea diver? It is just a race to the bottom. #racetothebottom #diving #deepsea

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

A sugar free diet can be a real struggle. It definitely isn't a piece of cake, which you can no longer eat. #sugarfree #sugar #diet #cake

[Freddie Funnybone @FredFunnybone]

My elevator pitch: An app that automatically connects via bluetooth & plays a random song from your phone in the elevator. #pitch #Elevator