Drunken Elvis

I've fallen and can't reach my cocktail

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

@LarryTurdHands ELVIS! However Conway does know Karate.

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

the re-fried bean from lunch have come back to haunt me. #stinkinguptheoffice

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

RT @RealAlexJones: Proof that the ben Laden Killing was a Obama hoax. Please RT http://t.co/cDGuqvcG

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

Someone made me drink a whole
Bunch of beers last night. #hatinglifenow

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

@TexxBraneff dude, we didn't order pizza!

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

I just cock blocked a #ninja.

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

On a drunk scale of 1 to 10. I'm at 14!

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

Someone just asked me to unpack a shredder and place in an office for someone else. FUCKIN REALLY? fuck that, make them open the fuckin box

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

@TexxBraneff if peeing your pants is cool, consider me #OsamaBinLaden

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

Dear lord, please give me the strength to deal with this American hating Canadian that I'm shacked up with.

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

went to a dinner party with 4 other couples last night. I was the only 1 who wanted to talk about tech and gadgets. What a bunch of nerds.

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

I just saw the best car commercial. #stoned

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

Someone farted in my pants!

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

What would a 40 year old down syndrome #zombie look like? I'm not being a jerk, I'm just wondering.

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

What would a down syndrome werewolf look like?

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

You don't eat, sleep or mow the lawn, u just fuck your uncle all day long. #unclefucker

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

I'm pretending I'm asleep so I don't have to go to church. Shhhh

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

This wine made my teeth purple.

[Drunken Elvis @FrozenElvis]

Wine, cheese, wine, 4:20, LCD SOUNDSYSTEM!