FullTimeTexter

I love my kids. And also french fries. BONA FIDE HUSTLER * I am old enough to be your mother.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

Tennis plus boner equals Sandy.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

Best drag queen name ever? Dixie Normus.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

I’ve had a great week here and now I’m paranoid. Who’s tryna fight me?

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

You act like you’re my family. In public.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

I could throw a haymaker and knock out half of these motherfuckers. (He says at a senior citizens concert.)

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

Careful, skinny girl. Don’t lose your soul. #ozempic

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

Changes are coming! Positivity abounds!

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

April 4 2019

Everything I’ve learned is soaking in and I’m ok. I can’t be bullied. And now everyone understands that.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

You better listen to that dog you’ll find those kids! #dolphinmovie #flipper

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

High and weird go hand in hand.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

For the rest of my life I’m content to eat pita chip crumbs, sip Snapple and watch PBS documentaries.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

Oh yeah but I’m the big drinker? Take a look around. Peek out of your glass houses.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

I’m sick of the eye rolls and laughing at me. Go ahead, leave at 6am and drink all day. Come home at 9 and be rude. Cool.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

As long as EVERYONE has their needs met, I’ll take one for the fucking team.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

It feels better to stop trying.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

I’m done. Tomorrow I begin life single.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

You all go one with your disfunctional relationship. It’s weird. And you know it.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

Always hopeful.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

Whenever the loss is great; whenever I see the way others love me in my loss; that is when I want to write.

[FullTimeTexter @FullTimeTexter]

I hate most people. Surprise!