Funmi Adetayo

DIY Queen||Turkish Drama Lover || Owner @thelawlarandco - African fabrics/Gift Items || @momslounge1 - for moms and moms-to-be

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

My three year old son walked into the room, and saw me just sitting and doing nothing and he said "hi mama, what have you been up to, or do you need some Privacy?"

[Baba Adele @kadetxxx]

The Vibranium Cube: Why I Now Need a Sledgehammer to Cook Jollof

I hold a very specific and prestigious title in my household. I am the Assistant Director of Kitchen Affairs (ADKA).
My job description is simple. My wife stands by the gas cooker, performing the wizardry of frying and stirring. My role is to lean against the fridge, provide high-quality gossip about the neighbours, and when she gives the signal, I deploy the seasoning cubes.
For years, I was the master of this domain. She would say "Baby, two cubes" and I would crumble them into the pot with the elegance of a salt-bae chef. It was romantic. It was efficient. It made me feel like a provider.
But I have a question for the manufacturers. When exactly did you switch the recipe from chicken flavour to construction material?
I am convinced they are now mixing the ingredients with Vibranium and Adamantium. In the last five years, these cubes have gone from being seasoning to being solid minerals. You used to be able to crush a Maggi cube with a gentle pinch. Now? You pinch it and your thumb turns white. You squeeze harder and your veins pop out. The cube does not break. It just leaves a square dent in your fingerprint that stays there for three business days.
I am absolutely certain that when David killed Goliath in the Bible, he did not use a stone. That is a translation error. David went to his kitchen, took a Star Maggi cube, loaded it into his sling and fired. Gbas. Lights out for the giant. That is the only thing dense enough to crack a skull like that.
Last Sunday was the breaking point. We were making Jollof. The aroma was rising. My wife gave me The Nod.
"Honey, three cubes. Fast fast."
I grabbed the cubes. I positioned my hand over the pot. I squeezed. Nothing.
I engaged my core muscles. I channelled the spirit of Samson. Nothing.
I panicked. I grabbed a wooden spoon to smash it on the counter. Crack. The spoon broke. The cube remained perfect, mocking me with its sharp geometric edges.
My wife looked at me with that specific mixture of love and pity. "Babe," she said. "Why are you fighting the ingredients?"
I wasn't fighting. I was losing.
I have a conspiracy theory. I believe the government has secretly contracted these companies to fix the Lagos-Ibadan expressway. They are not using asphalt anymore. They are just pouring chicken stock cubes into the potholes. It is cheaper and lasts longer than concrete. Or perhaps it is a partnership with the Dental Association of Nigeria. You think you are biting into a piece of meat and then CRUNCH. You bite into an uncrushed rock of Maggi. There goes your molar and here comes a bill for a root canal.
So this is my official resignation. I cannot work under these conditions.

Until the recipe changes back to something edible, I am done. If my wife needs seasoning, she can call a blacksmith or a welder. I am going to buy a jackhammer for the kitchen drawer. And if that doesn't work, I’ll just use the cubes to build a new fence for the house. At least then they will finally be useful.

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

@ASAKESZN 17

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

Constantly blaming your Parents for the damages you keep causing will get old—Upbringing shapes you,but your choices define you.Growth begins when we choose accountability over excuses,respect over entitlement.Redemption isn’t found in blaming others.Take responsibility,do better

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

@WillUchemba 8020999288
Opay

God bless

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

"As a young lady in your late 20s, fully ready for marriage, your eldest sibling insists you must wait until they get married first. Would you wait or move forward with your plans?"

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

So If hubby doesn't like you to be fat because he's skinny and feels you won't compliment each other while taking a stroll and then you have to skip meals and go hungry while you make complete dishes for him every time he eats.
Does it come off as selfish or simply preference?

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

@Domestika You guys are fraudulent. Refund my money I didnt request for a yearly subscription

[Trust Wallet @TrustWallet]

Join our $50,000 USDT Airdrop with @grand_combat to celebrate the launch of their token and be one of 5,000 participants to win rewards!

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[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

@meelonmuskusa There is no number 🙏

[WAGMI HUB @WagmiHub]

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[Trust Wallet @TrustWallet]

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[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

My thoughts for today: I really want to be a Child again ... #zeroworries . Happy Children's Day 💐

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

Thrilled to announce that I’ve been accepted into the Tuition-Free Virtual Assistance Course on DEXA. In 3weeks, I’ll be available for remote Internship & Job Roles as a Certified Virtual Assistant. Feel free to reach out.

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

I broke a plate today.....it's been over a decade

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

@airtel_care I can't send a DM except I am been followed , how ever I dropped a DM in the @AirtelNigeria

[MosesBliss @mosesblisslive]

This Song 😭😭😭
In case you are wondering how you will pull through this year 2024 This is your song.
Share this clip to someone you know will have a big year.

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

The happiness that comes with unboxing a package after delivery 😉.....

[Funmi Adetayo @Funmithelawlar]

https://t.co/kHEvjfu9KQ