Gary Burghoff

Please Arrange Room On Deck Yesterday

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

How am I supposed to quickie floss with this paper straw

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

“there’s a tiny white lady on my shoulder, isn’t there?”

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

I just know I’m gonna keep mistakenly using year of the rat for at least the next couple of weeks

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

deagle... deagle deagle deagle

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

you’re fired.

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

Burnt my chicken dinner, had to order pizza. No harm, no fowl.

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

Imagine the Oompa Loompa song if Charlie and Grandpa got chopped up in that fan. Doopa Dee Doo

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

Germans think Die Hard is a porn film

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

Someone make an iPhone X Files joke for me please, I’ve had way too many pumpkin spice lattes spiked with orange liqueur. #classy

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

I serve the lord. And between you and me, he’s not a great tipper.

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

Just reviewing my stocks. Need get better screws, people keep escaping.

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

This creep in my neighbor’s bushes hasn’t moved a muscle all night. Seriously, I’ve been watching him for ten hours straight now. #weirdo

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

I’d like to solve the puzzle, Pat: Arnold Shwarzeneggroll

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

i said a bawk to the bawk and a cock a doodle doo...spinach, tomato, and a bit of mustard too #chickenwrap

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

bananas are appealing but sunburns are not

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

I’ve been saying wheelbarrel this whole time

[Gary Burghoff @GaryBurghoff]

has anyone seen my glasses