el

just a girl trying her best. attempting to beat drug addiction and handle having bpd.

[el @gettingth3r3]

does this still count as a rel4pse? in your opinion? i dont see it that way but others in my life do. i dont want to rel4pse. i dont want to be a failure. i dont want to be a disappointment again.

[el @gettingth3r3]

#RecoveryPosse in need of some serious advice. i rel4psed after a year being sober but i dont consider it to even be like that because it was not enough at all to do anything (it was just other ppls leftover scraps on the table) and i felt like it made me hate the dr*g even more

[el @gettingth3r3]

i really just want to get this all off my chest. the realisation of what drugs can really cause. its not just a few nosebleeds and some headaches. its not just losing an extreme amount of weight and crippling insomnia. its so much deeper than that. i feel like i will never escape

[el @gettingth3r3]

but ive also come back to this account bc i need some serious support right now and i feel like only people on here would understand. my addiction habits of last year have finally caught up to me. i got a letter this morning from debt collectors saying im £1,700 in debt.

[el @gettingth3r3]

i never wanted to be this way. this isnt how i wanted my life to go. im only 19. no 19 year old should be labelled as a debt riddled recovering drug addict but here i am. i dont even want to continue with life anymore. my actions have driven me so far down a horrible path.

[el @gettingth3r3]

i came back to this account to say ive managed to stay sober off of coke and ket since boxing day, doing pretty good so far

[el @gettingth3r3]

i cannot thank everyone enough for all the support i received i was just not in the right headspace to be replying at the time, but i read every single comment and dm and it rlly helped keep me going thank u so much

[el @gettingth3r3]

its been a long time since ive been on this account..

[el @gettingth3r3]

relapsed last night :(( losing hope tbh i cant see myself getting to over 20 days sober again i was doing so well #RecoveryPosse

[el @gettingth3r3]

recently i feel like everything i touch just crumbles in front of me, im losing my job, im losing my friends, my family doesnt like me. nothing is going right and im trying so hard to keep it all together but its not working. why was everything so much easier when i wasnt sober?

[el @gettingth3r3]

i replaced my self harm addiction with drugs and now im gonna have to replace my drug addiction with self harm, i was clean from harming for so long as well but idk what else to do to distract myself

[el @gettingth3r3]

sorry i havent been on here much i was doing pretty good on my own and felt completely fine, tonight thats all changed and im finding myself considering relapse

[el @gettingth3r3]

im all dressed up in my halloween outfit for work but the anxiety in my brain is making me not want to go at all. my brains like “what if ur not supposed to dress up? what if everyone told u to dress up as a joke so that they can all laugh at u?” and now im panicking

[el @gettingth3r3]

@tittsntacos thank u im okay and got home safe x

[el @gettingth3r3]

ive never felt so abandoned and alone in all my life, my best firiend has just left me alone at a a club scared and completely on my own bc she wanted to go home

[el @gettingth3r3]

i rlly wanna relapse rn and stop caring about anything

[el @gettingth3r3]

im doing rlly well these days and im so proud of myself but the fact im managing to go so long without even really thinking about doing drugs is making me feel like i never even had a drug addiction at all ???

[el @gettingth3r3]

@staciew29910036 i believe in u! we got this, one day at a time

[el @gettingth3r3]

managed to stay sober last night, was a tough one