Gonna enroll in uni in my hometown today. I was supposed to go abroad, to a better country, had the acceptance letter and then covid happened. And I turned down the offer. So, on to supposed seven years of studying at home. Duh.
Quite honestly, life is so tough. I don't feel #gifted at all. I only feel my breath hitch at least twice a day and dark thoughts circle tears. #imposter#depressed#stormy
@TPBookSeries It's scary how disciplined they are. I had a few high-achieving classmates that were drilled into working. Some studied 10 hrs a day/ 6 days a week to achieve a slightly better end grade than me. Funny about finals: i messed up 2/5 exams and those were the ones i studied for.
@TPBookSeries I'm scared of hitting the wall. I don't care too much about the grades, but the feeling of not knowing anything anymore. One of my lifelines was always "at least you're always top 5% whatever you do" and that could switch very soon
@TPBookSeries This is what I'm looking for. I hate how emotionally dependent I'm still on them. Everyone's out having fun not caring about what their family thinks and I'm unable to go for a walk without analysing time/date/weather and if my parents would go out in the circumstances
@TPBookSeries I'm thinking of joining a political party to get to know people and do sth good. Not sure if I'd even try finding friends in uni. I met gifted ppl in high school that were great to talk to but turned out to be right-winged i.e. didn't want me and my family in the country.
@TPBookSeries That's kinda medicine studies here. Tho you're not paid, you tend to neglect your studies very much when practical phases come in med school. Wanted to study med but you're basically being exploited for 10 years until you can slave around for 40k for 5 more years no thanks
@TPBookSeries The US is so hard. In Germany you don't pay for any education. It's all basically free. You even get money if you need. My bro took up a student loan bc he did his masters abroad with tuition fee alone more than 30.000 bucks. In one year, he paid more than maybe 5 years at home.
@TPBookSeries Same fear for my dad. He hasn't left the house in I don't know how long. Tho he doesn't really mind.
The internet used to die at the beginning of lockdown but funny thing happened: the EU made Netflix/amazonprime etc turn down streaming and now the internet's at ~ 70% speed
@TPBookSeries So here you close a contract with the uni and they pay you monthly like a regular job, including money for research. It's difficult tho if you want more than that. I thought intellectuals tend to be more peaceful and not that corrupt
@TPBookSeries He def wants the money. It was his plan to stop with masters but because of corona, nobody's hiring here (and prbly won't be until there's medication) so PhD would be a logical option since he can't just sit and wait, he took up a lot of student loan. The US is so violent, relax
@TPBookSeries Oh Texas so inefficient. Tho that was my fault, i never actively studied vocabulary and just learn on the go
I once had a English teacher who came fresh from a sabbatical in Texas. Boy we loved that accent xD
@TPBookSeries This could be a meme. My brother is about to finish his master's and reports similarly. The educational environment seems too conservative and dusty. He desperately wants a job but prbly has to go for PhD because of corona
@TPBookSeries Oh I thought it means to verbally beat somebody up. Sometimes I'm not sure how I got 95 on my English final but it sure saved my end grade.
Don't worry, wouldn't offend me. Tho can totally understand the effects of our culture to trim ppl down and make them adapt