Glunk

Every time I tweet, God flips a coin and the world holds its breath

[Glunk @Glunkington]

No man ever tweets the same thing twice for it is not the same timeline and he is not the same man

[Glunk @Glunkington]

@LegsMcfeet Clairvoyant

[Glunk @Glunkington]

We might have to postpone the Tehran, Iran trip @LegsMcfeet

[Glunk @Glunkington]

If any other race learned about throwing darts they’d demolish our top talent

[Glunk @Glunkington]

The actual Bad Lands National Park is New Jersey

[Glunk @Glunkington]

Why don’t they just make DayQuil taste like NyQuil

[Glunk @Glunkington]

I have reached a legal settlement with @doc_mccheese she created 25% of this joke

[Glunk @Glunkington]

Trans person: I’m trans

Society: ok

Michael Jewble: it’s beginning to look a lot like Hannukah

[Glunk @Glunkington]

BREAKING: meta analysis performed by the Glunk Institute of Research shows that the funniest possible thing is to call your friends by their middle names

[Glunk @Glunkington]

*Gasps a breath of fresh air*
I’m not private anymore

Regards, Glunk

[Glunk @Glunkington]

Ladies remember… the best way to defeat the patriarchy is to kill all the roaches in your boyfriend’s apartment!!!

[Glunk @Glunkington]

Guy who wishes the confederacy won but in a woke way so the north could pass progressive legislation

[Glunk @Glunkington]

I’m so lucky I started lifting when I was 14 cuz I wanted to look sexy and by sheer coincidence it’s super good for you

[Glunk @Glunkington]

RIP Leif Erickson you would’ve loved Royal Caribbean

[Glunk @Glunkington]

@Bam1of1 @JustinColeF @NBA2K Oh Bam, my glorious pookie 😍😍🥰

[Glunk @Glunkington]

What the FUCK is up VICTORIA, BRITISH COLOMBIA, CANADA 🫎 🐳

[Glunk @Glunkington]

Ok I just found out about history. Turns out a buuuunch of fuckin shit happened

[Glunk @Glunkington]

I’ve certainly had drier farts

[Glunk @Glunkington]

What the FUCK is up SKAGWAY, ALASKA

[Glunk @Glunkington]

@fartclot49 I’m not 23 yet… yet

[Glunk @Glunkington]

@fartclot49 Inshalla I have received chills down my spine

[Glunk @Glunkington]

What the FUCK is up JUNEAU, ALASKA