Kyle Kinane

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

Red Bull is throwing so much money at extreme sports it’s ridiculous. Besides, what’s so hard about it? You... http://t.co/ptrCzCe

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

What’s the point of going to the wild animal park if you’re not riding a motorcycle, Doug. Give those lions... http://t.co/YaEs4Lg

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

Hey Doug, this guy’s trying to tell me he’s in the “Mexican” Mafia! Whatever, Teflon Juan. First you people... http://tumblr.com/xmd3psuk1j

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

I’m sticking it to big oil, Doug. Got me one of these totally rad fixed-gear bicycles. It’s called that... http://tumblr.com/xmd3mnawsq

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

Of course you smell gas, Doug. I had a Cheesy Gordita Crunch for dinner last night. Ha! What? The oven? No,... http://tumblr.com/xmd3ks505r

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

Not only am I organizing the first ever McRib eating contest, I plan on being the first champion as well.... http://tumblr.com/xmdpmn03m

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

So far the voices in my head are just telling me to eat a lot of frozen pizza and watch Nick At Night, so I... http://tumblr.com/xmdkobc1z

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

Got one raft for me, one for the twelver of Coors Light, and one for the boom box. This is how you throw a... http://tumblr.com/xmdjxkygz

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

We’re just bullshitting here, Doug. A free exchange of ideas, man. And what I’m saying is if you package dope... http://tumblr.com/xmdj502pv

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

No, it’s because they were honey-roasted. I think I must be allergic to honey roasting or something. These... http://tumblr.com/xmdig9vvf

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

See, you’re just falling for the media depiction of it. If heroin’s really that bad, why are are the best... http://tumblr.com/xmdhw9tgq

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

The problem with the Guardian Angels is that they travel in packs, Doug. You can see ‘em coming from a mile... http://tumblr.com/xmdh952yu

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

Lead paint’s only dangerous to babies and Superman. I know you’re not Superman, but you can be a real goddamn... http://tumblr.com/xmdgw73sc

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

It’s called parkour. All I have to do is fall down a couple staircases and I can get a million-dollar Nike... http://tumblr.com/xmdgsgkfh

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

That’s the thing, I love Cirque du Soleil, Doug, but fuck the Beatles, man. That’s why I wrote one based on... http://tumblr.com/xmdfogwyl

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

This is what I’m talking about—if I have to explain why a homemade zip line is the best idea ever, I’m just... http://tumblr.com/xmdf3rcj0

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

I know alligators don’t understand English, you asshole. It’s all about the tone of voice you use. Just you... http://tumblr.com/xmdev9855

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

Photo: The author of this blog, Kyle Kinane, is embarking on a summer stand-up tour starting today. Come on... http://tumblr.com/xmdeeqvwg

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

The way I figure it, Doug, why pay some quack shaman a bunch of cash just to sit out in the desert for a week... http://tumblr.com/xmdecuhbw

[Kyle Kinane @goddamnitDoug]

Goddamnit, Doug, stop bitching about it and just do it. http://tumblr.com/xmdds4pa3