Mavis🌸👻✨

💫 ✧･ﾟ: *”You have as many hopes as there are stars that light up the sky.”🌌 ✨

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

I wish I could call you. I wish I could message you. Could we hold each other again? Can we sing together again. Could we kiss each other one more time. Can we be lovers one more time. Won't you love me one more time, could you love me please.

One more time.

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

I enjoy speaking here. Well. Not that I enjoy it. Its somewhat comforting almost. Knowing I can scream into the void as much as I want. And that black empty void simply stays there. Unblinking unmoving. I throw all my worries and fears into it. Thank you. My little void

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

Can I be honest? Is this a safe space? I feel. I feel like no one really likes me at all. Or enjoys my company or friendship. I think I try too hard to be such a likeable person but it backfires. People tolerate me I know it I just know it. That sucks. I wish my friends liked me

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

I also miss my old friend. Its around this time that she took her own life last year. If anyone's struggling mentally. Please know that suicide is never the answer. Your life matters. So so much.

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

I feel so pathetic. What exactly am I supposed to do. To get rid of these feelings. So much time has passed. I havent spoken to you in forever. So why can I still hear your voice in my head. I can still hear your laugh. I can still hear you. Even though youre gone. Gone. I miss u

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

I miss you so much. Im sorry for being me.

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

Im hurt. Im not sure. Why is it that some feelings wont simply leave you alone. I would love to keep being cheerful and happy, except these feelings wont subside. I dont fancy being a sensitive person. My heart and my feelings are so sensitive. I cant help the way I feel so much.

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

Ugh I feel so awful everyday I just feel sick to my stomach. Why cant I seem to enjoy anything. I dont even let myself enjoy anyone. I miss the old me. I miss myself. I miss them. Why cant I be better. I can be the me that you'd like. I can try..

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

I miss him, I miss her, I miss them. So much yearning in my heart. All my love and joy enveloped by dread and desperation. It burrows deep into me but I dont want it. Go away just go away. Im a whore who'll do anything just to feel a little bit of happiness. My tears are my own.

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

Love blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Ive been waking up so sad recently. I miss the me I was becoming. But I feel like an imposter as if thats not really me. As if I dont deserve to be the person that I want to be. Im not a kind person im not respectful. Im not happy at all.

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

As unhappy as I feel. I dont regret ever loving someone. I've loved so many people in my life. Some I still talk to and others that ive yet to hear from in years. I dont think I could ever stop loving someone. From romantic lovers to friends. I have loved you truly. I always will

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

Now I just feel weird. This is exactly why you never say anything. Whats the POINT JUST KEEP IT TO YOURSELF IDIOT. What do I still want. Why do I yearn for things so much. Nothing nothing nothing, but give me something. I want IT I want it so bad. Yet I deserve absolutely nothing

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

Oh my GODDDDDD I feel so god damn pick me. I can't help it I just feel this way. Pick mee pick mee wont somebody pick ME?! I don't need anything I can pick myself thank you very fucking much. This life blows. I feel so tired. I'm just lazy though. I always have been. what do i do

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

For the most part I really do mean it when I say I have nothing but love in my heart. I dont hate anyone. Its such a strong and nasty word. But my goodness. When I say I hate myself I think I truly do despise who I am. Who could ever love me. No one even likes me. I wanna cry. ha

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

Ough why me why ME WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS. What if I never realized I was bi what if I were still straight. Would my life be different Would it be better? Is it homophobic to say. I wish I were straight? Im sorry fellow gays. I hate my bisexual chud life. I miss the old me

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

This is scary.. All the fun in things are kind of gone now. I just dont feel it. Even singing today wasn't very fun. At least my cough is gone more or less. Ahhh where did my joy and whimsy go. Nothings enjoyable right now Im back at that stage in life again. Im jaded to it all.

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

Guess who just sang their heart out to a crowd of none? Meee this guy.. At the end of a singing session I just feel so nice. No cough could ever deter me. Its a shame though that this euphoric feeling is only fleeting. Its okay. Ill just sing again next time. Wont you join me?

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

@scaut_0802 Awww shes so pretty 😭💖 Its amazing!!!!

[daily juvia @juviaologist]

VOTE JUVIA 💙

[Mavis🌸👻✨ @GodMavis_]

Ive also had a persistent cough for a week now. Nothing really hurts or anything but its really annoying because one of my favorite things to do is sing. I think I love singing more than anything in the world. Although Im not good at all. I really do love singing. Damn this cough