Chloë Emanuelle

30. I’m just here to complain.

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

My personal brand is sitting on my couch in sweat pants, eating chicken wings and crying.

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

@hailsbells97 Oh my god THANK YOU. I thought I was the only one dealing with this. It’s driving me insane.

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

@rebecca_skates @AmazonKindle We are the same

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

I *just* updated from Twitter to x so that I could properly complain about @AmazonKindle not releasing CC3 (HOSAF) preorders at midnight - that is how pressed I am. Do you know how long I had held out.

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

@sydisticpgh Mine says by 8 pm 🫠

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

The algorithms are too accurate (read: scary) and since I tweeted this I’ve seen like 3 tiktoks about pay pigs. Was everyone just aware that men will pay you to be mean to them? And I’ve been doing it on dating apps for free????????

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

Do you ever just feel like men should pay you to exist because same

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

Do you ever just feel like men should pay you to exist because same

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

A woman, with full sincerity, just asked to double check my age because she thought I might be under 18. I’m 30. Get a tretinoin prescription friends. It’ll change your life, or at least help rewind the clock.

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

There was another typo am I having a stroke

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

This is the third time I’ve tweeted this because the first two both had typos and apparently I’m equally committed to embarrassing myself on the internet as I am to embarrassing myself in front of my pets

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

I always thought I’d learn to twerk once I lived alone because it’d be less embarrassing but it turns out there’s no look more judgmentmental than the one your pets give you when they’re see you trying to shake your ass

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

@r8dermatt1123 @IntelPointAlert @FoxNews Sir, disrespectfully, this was not even remotely funny enough to have tweeted it as many times as you have (at least 4 before I got sick of scrolling). Get a life, a better sense of humor, and maybe some morals.

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

@_JessiVanessa @WellieBoyce Hahaha hi angel!!!! Just around! Come see me and wellie in Atlanta!

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

@KrizenWave Thank you!

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

@tabithaaxo Thank you!!!

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

I just offered someone at the dog park what I thought was a poop bag that I had in my pocket. What else would be crinkling in there?

A fruit roll up wrapper. It was a fruit roll up wrapper.

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

This might be an unpopular opinion, but if your child is too big to be held and too young to understand how to behave around dogs (ie not running) then you have no business taking them to a dog park. Even then, taking your kids to a dog park puts everyone at risk.

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

lunchables was really out there convincing us that raw pizza was a delicacy

[Chloë Emanuelle @GoForChlo]

I love living above my gym. It’s so nice to hear people have an intense workout while I eat apple pie for breakfast.