Not Scott Walker

Satire. Humor is required now more than ever.

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

I'm back with this important announcement for 2016: Swipe Right with me, America. #SwipeRight

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

There should be exceptions for rape, sure. But why incest? I just don't get why we care so much about bug abortion.

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

May have been a little too coy when I told Mitt he should pick a great Wisconsinite for VP. #WasTalkingAboutMyself

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

Can't wait for this wanker Romney to lose so I can take my shot in 2016.

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

I owe it all to God. Well, him and my wealthy-ass donors. Oh, and the totally uninformed electorate.

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

Exit Poles? No, no. It's the people of color I want out of our country. European immigrants can stay.

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

I'm excited about the house band we got for the election party tonight, "Chili and the Tonettes."

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

How many of my votes for Donald Driver on Dancing With The Stars do I get to rollover to tomorrow's election?

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

Just learned Tom Barrett and the guy with the waterski show in the Dells are NOT the same person. Who knew?

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

Y'know the old Letterman bit where person has earpiece & repeats everything Dave says? Been doing that with Ciara for weeks!

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

Someone has to put the BS in "BLS jobs data."

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

Hey cut me some slack. Given Wisconsin's incarceration rates, odds are I can't really avoid hiring felons.

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

Is the debate tonight behind a podium? Kinda feeling like going sans pants for this one.

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

All this extra recall capaigning is really cutting into my "screw over working class folks" planning time.

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

You know how when someone's about to cut you a $500k check, you just kind of start to babble? Gets me every time!

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

Look, I'm surprised with that "divide and conquer" video, too. I mean, who knew there was a billionaire in Beloit?

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

I'm never shopping at Kohl's again, I'll tell you that much.

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

Does Herb Kohl have a brother or a son? Who the hell was that Art Kohl guy under me on the ballot?

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

If you thought I lost jobs at a brisk pace, just wait until you see how quick I can blow through $13 million. #wirecall #wiunion

[Not Scott Walker @GovernorWalker]

Couldn't decide if I hated teachers or poor people more, so I just decided to make all teachers poor people. #ProblemSolved