The Lazy Carpet Man

The fictional confessions of a lazy carpet salesman who likes a beer and avoiding work (just for laughs)

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Birthday beers today #hic #drunk my staff pretended not to remember until I bought them bacon rolls #deluded

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Clearly I need one of these #AlwaysDrunk https://t.co/tHEHEIznnS

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Sadly mine are always at half mast if I can even get that far #MrFloppy #NeedABluePill

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Friday at last although clearly I will be drinking more than one, so no real difference to any other day #EverydayIsBeerDay

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Update on the shoe front, a possible alternative? #ShoeFetish

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

With an impending trip to the big smoke I feel I need to up my shoe game & these combine 2 of my passions, perfect #ShoeFetish

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Back from my cruise - best I unpack my case #ShoeFetish

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

https://t.co/ykEwryQLMi
Must be some sort of mistake, I own an Audi?????? #Tosser #FakeNews

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Today's lunch #AlwaysDrunk

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

There was even a sign up welcoming me #AlwaysDrunk

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Got off the ship & I am in heaven #ShoeAddiction

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Getting into the spirit of my holiday with cruise appropriate clothing #CheckOutMyShoes

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

1st day of the holiday, I've already found the mini bar #Hic #AlwaysDrunk

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

I intend to take it easy with the drinking on this holiday - I will stick to 1 G&T a day #AlwaysDrunk

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Can't understand why but apparently no one missed me at last night's party - they must all just be hiding their disappointment #deluded

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Off on a gay cruise tomorrow - touring expensive shoe & glass shops of the med #SplashTheCash

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Free beer tonight but I didn't bother going because it would cause problems as everyone loves me so much they would fight for my attention

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Big ticket boy has left the building - my missus better get the blue pills ready #whosthedaddy #mrfloppy

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

https://t.co/i6H1Ai5Rat
Good job I don't work there..... #lunchtimedrinking

[The Lazy Carpet Man @GsyCarpet]

Why has one of my minions got his own twitter account? @_Kim_Jongun