Richard

Constantly injured.

[a broken soul @abrokensouI]

i'm 3 inconveniences away from trying heroin

[Phillygirl @24tog]

The best thing about Amazon is they rather refund you than have a conversation about it

[Umbrella Corp. Official @UmbCorOfficial]

Something escaped.

[Seth @Sethicus111]

Just for once it would be nice if my cat said “big stretch” when I did it

[𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖑𝖞❤️‍🔥 @Charlygotyou]

Every cat is a little celebrity to me

[𝓛𝓿 @levirelates]

Uber driver: *drops me off at the wrong location*

Me (shy): “This is perfect”

[CHANT GOD @chantgod]

the US is the fire nation…

[𝖄𝖆𝖓𝖐𝖊𝖊 @Be_like_yankee]

I love being in the house, man. The crime rate low in here & weed legal

[Rowby @RowbyYT]

Do you think in Resident Evil people make jokes about Raccoon City the same way we do about 9/11

[(っ◔◡◔)っ ♥ connor ♥ @estradiologist]

hey, could you help me with directions? I'm new in town and haven't had a chance to climb and activate the giant tower that will unlock the markers on my world map

[Matt Margolis @ItsMattsLaw]

Aliens (completely bewildered): so the groundhog

Me: is clairvoyant, yes

[parks @parkersity_9]

"your package is out for delivery" ok where bc i'll meet them halfway

[fifth + brauldway @raulthecatt]

this is how i thought clubbing was going to be like when i was little

[Niggaless Cage @afriasian]

I would’ve opened the emergency exit

[jxke. 🧸🎰🃏 @cantguardjake]

Fun police out tonight y’all

[💞 @LowkeyEnergy_]

i love going the fuck to sleep

[goma @soigomaa]

11:00 am - anything is possible
3:00 pm - but not today

[⛧ @Rainwontmiss]

I’m at the age where if I see a chair 🪑 I’m gone take me a lil seat.