Joshua

Beard Enthusiast, Staring Contest Title Holder and Fan of Leather Pants.

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

@toddmccomas That’s some D. B. Cooper shit! #thievery #fuckery

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

@bobandtom @OrangeInsoles Every Zombie movie I can get my hands on! 🧟‍♀️ 🧟‍♂️ #returnofthelivingdead #Dawnofthedead #Zombieland #worldwarz #ongoldenpond

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

@JessHooker_ Is that a @ChickMcGee body suit? @bobandtom

[Daily Wire @realDailyWire]

Reporter: Does acting like a bad guy come to you naturally or?

Adam Driver: I just think about taxes and traffic and I’m there.

💯

https://t.co/w0vDcwMifX

[Ricky Gervais @rickygervais]

Whether you believe that animals evolved over billions of years into the unconditionally beautiful beings they are today, or that God miraculously made them that way, if you hurt them for no reason, you’re a cunt.

[Buffalo Trace @BuffaloTrace]

We call this pic "Bachelor Life." #buffalotrace

[Pat McAfee @PatMcAfeeShow]

According to reports Tom Brady's suite at Gillette has been completely cleaned out #PatMcAfeeShowLIVE

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

@chickmcgee1 How did you miss out in saying “Dr. Frankenshart working in his lab exclaimed “IT’S A LOG, IT’S A LOOOG!” In reference to the Doc requesting photos of poo.

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

I just got the deal of the century for 24 Cokes, 12 Sunkists and 12 Mt. Dews! I love the 4th of July! The lady behind me said, “Are you thirsty?!?” I should have torn open a case, chugged a warm soda, slowly wiped my mouth after and belched the national anthem! #4thofJuly2018

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

I was thinking, If I practiced Law my firms name would be "Good LAW'D!"

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

I’m going to have a small piece of pizza tattooed by my eye to let everyone know I’ve killed several pizzas in my past! @theCHIVE @theCHIVE_

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

I wish I could have been in the meeting with the guy who pitched the idea for the port-o-pot.
Investor - “Are you shitting me!?!”
Inventor - “Hey, great slogan!”
@theCHIVE

[Jenny Johnson @JennyJohnsonHi5]

Guys who wear their cellphone in a holster on their belt are the same guys who go up to girls at parties and ask why they’re not smiling.

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

How can a person resist buying a product referred to as "Freedom Pants"?

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

MAY THE 4TH BE WITH YOU! #starwars #MayThe4thBeWithYou

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

It always seems there are not enough hours in the day! I mean, a vast majority of my day is spent bouncing a basketball off of my apartment walls to make my neighbors hate their lives, but still! @theCHIVE

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

I like to get black out drunk and do chores. It’s like having a maid! #callmealice @CoachStall

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

@astevenson888 @EiteljorgMuseum His facial expression looks like you have your finger up his ass! #dontmuchlikefingersson

[Joshua @Hammershmack]

A good rule of thumb is my thumb RULES!