MV MATTHEW

californian sensibilities

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

all your attempts were so fucking obvious and so fucking lame but it was the fact that you all tried that really fucking hurt

was it because I upset mark

poor mark sorry mark

get well soon

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

I realised I am (something I have always longed for)

completely free of absolutely
everything

I can do exactly whatever the fuck I want

and for some reason

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

why did you all try to bully me so horribly (you know who you are)

when I was clearly already struggling to survive on my own through a massive mental and emotional breakdown

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

not my mother who was too old and too manipulative for me to do anything other than be available to her or

when she died for the last four years the probate courts

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

you know me I fucking love an intense psychological experience do I ever

well the last of my dead family's things being taken away and being left with just me and my things and all the empty space in the house triggered a deluge of thoughts ideas memories images feelings

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

as the flow abated towards the end of the second day and I could think about what it was that was happening

I realised that my life and my choices are for the first time not contigent on anyone or anything else

not my partner of 20 years or when I couldn't stand that anymore

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

I had stern words with the
me in the mirror

whatever the reason for me locking these things away as they came out they just became parts of my life that I had lived my thoughts realisations and opinions

all of them no longer in any way dangerous

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

allowed to speak of (you know what families are like)

things that I couldnt admit to

they all came out so I could deal with them some things I processed by simply speaking them aloud for the first time some required mad conversations with imaginary people

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

that flowed through my mind and me for two whole days (I didn't sleep)

They were all things from my life that id clearly locked away for some reason things i was afraid of or ashamed of or had suppressed because my family wouldn't approve

Things that I knew but was never

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

@chapmanj100 @4r7hr yes I think so

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

upshot is now I can do whatever the fuck I want

thank fuck I stuck all this shit out

pays off

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

@Badger5000 BADGER!

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

@sacha_coward love this

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

@sleepwalkingdog I hear it a penny ON the sherry

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

will the slides be made available afterwards please #Budget24

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

she sounded good I thought much rhetoric many oratory

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

@crapolatombola hard to like this but sympathy m8 x

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

@crapolatombola yea exactly keep the bits you like and let the rest go

[MV MATTHEW @handsblinx]

there are men here to take away all the dead people's things that I don't want