Hannah Crabb

i used to be funny

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

Garrett doesn't have a twitter AKA I don't have to pretend as if I feel bad for doing this.

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

don’t get me wrong, i’m all for the convenience of automatic toilets. but when that thing flushes itself prematurely + becomes an unexpected bidet, count me out

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

Gotta say one of the most stressful parts of this whole quarantine situation for me has been watching everyone cutting + coloring their own hair

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

Ugh can you say “pending dry spell” ?

[Jordan Crabb @C_Cakes2569]

Quarantine is getting to me, I need some excitement. What should I do?

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

I woke up today wanting to shave a line in my eyebrow. Someone say something mean to help me stop feeling this way or delete tik tok from my phone. Either/or

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

@JDio94 I’ll give you the list from my book club if you’re interested

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

Just had to look at my Bumble BFF profile to remind myself how old I am (again).

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

Just made eye contact with the person my Uber driver is FaceTiming while I’m sitting directly behind him

What now

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

@cofothemofo Knew someone would understand

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

At any given gym I work out at, there is always a creepy Keanu Reeves lookalike

No real point this this tweet, just needed to tell someone

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

@drakedanford @C_Cakes2569 Yeah absolutely. Do you still use the special kind that doesn’t give you a rash?

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

People never believe me when I tell them that our gushy newlywed feelings evaporated 2 weeks after the wedding.

@C_Cakes2569 do you think they’ll buy it now, you handsome POS?

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

@JDio94 @C_Cakes2569 If you don’t understand his joke then get off my replies Jame

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

@srsSETH_ You guys are saying words and I have no idea what they mean

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

@guiney15 @C_Cakes2569 This is very accurate

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

@KGarrity8 🐸☕️

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

Unbelievable. Applications going straight in the garbage where Jordan’s respect for me clearly is as well.

[Jordan Crabb @C_Cakes2569]

Beginning to take applications for College Football watching buddies. Please send resume to my secretary [email protected]. Please include favorite team, least favorite team, favorite beer, whether you prefer couch or chair and any other information you think is relevant.

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

@clay_riggins @C_Cakes2569 It’s in the trash but the chair anecdote did tug at my heartstrings and was a nice touch. Respec

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

@KGarrity8 Is bypassing the chain of command really how you want to start a new job position?

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

@KGarrity8 Done deal? I never saw your name cross my desk Kev

[Hannah Crabb @HannyCrabb]

@AlexSanders_12 There was some concern about your failure to mention white claws. Still mulling things over