Two-Sword Fighter

He/Him Telling lies and stealing pies. I AM BRANCHED MAN. KILL 'EM ALL 2023

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

The story of Icarus provides us with a valuable lesson: never fuck up real bad

[Pierre L’Fauex @LFauexProd]

Americans love cars because they combine their two favorite things: sitting down and killing people

[Maddie @baddiemaddie43]

DO NOT GO OUTSIDE IN CHICAGO RIGHT NOW

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

I've dropped ten pounds since I stopped eating at work and started eating as many leftovers as I could handle from the fridge when I get home. Snakemeal undefeated.

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

It's past time for "check their hard drive" to be put to pasture. I get the sentiment and even agree with it sometimes, but it's often presented in a "most annoying person you know made a good point by accident" kind of way.

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

@peckrnutt @OsoBlanc0 You might be thinking of HROT.

https://t.co/kMH1adzSZL

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

Just took a shit that felt like pulling the starter cord on the lawnmower and having it tear out of the mower in your hand

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

@CypressDahlia This is classic eastern Ohio/Western PA shit. I've been getting this kind of pizza from a place in Cambridge since I was a kid. The real trick is how good it is the next day when you reheat the pizza and the second layer of cheese melts, trapping the pepperoni between layers.

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

The Soviet Union but shit and expensive

[Business Woman Themed Clown @vegetalpuppet]

stirring my coffee with a knife so i can absorb the medicinal knife properties and become knifelike

[green goku @preinitiative]

What if the hantavirus was a fanta virus and it had people drinking a lot of soda

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

@DEEP_RED_BELLS Just wait until you see the multiple booths of Nazi war trophies and new stock reproduction Nazi stuff.

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

@xPopeMehmedx We gotta sink that island to the bottom of the sea

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

@oreoeocat @bohnjaxter @hholove_global It went through, thank you!

[refriedbuttsects @refriedbuttsect]

♪ 𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘴 𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 with a 𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘸 n 𝘢 𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘷𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦 n 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘪𝘴 𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘪𝘴 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘩𝘪𝘮 n 𝘩𝘪𝘮𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘧 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘢𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘵 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘯𝘰𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘦n ♬

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

The snake oil salesman thinks he's getting one over on me but he has no idea how dry my viper is and how much it costs to lubricate by conventional means

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

If I became an alcoholic at least there would be a genetic precedent for it and I would finally have a real struggle to overcome that isn't "somewhat vaguely autistic but not in a way that you can use to excuse antisocial behavior"

[Two-Sword Fighter @Harbinger617]

This that bitch who make the swear cartoon

[audrey @phlegmme]

Life is good on the farm. My honeybees give me honey. My silkworms give me silk. And I just bought a huge shipment of head lice