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If there’s one thing I’ve learned about grief: Check in with your friends after they lose someone, not just in the weeks immediately after (they will probably be in shock and overwhelmed) but 1 month, 2 month, 3 months, 6 months, 1 year, after. And even after that, the anniversaries, the special occasions, which can be the hardest. Don’t tell them to text you if they need anything. Reach out to them. Ask them about their day. Let them talk about anything. They may not even be wanting to talk about the person who died. They may just want to talk about anything that will help them get their mind off things. If they feel bad, don’t force them to feel better. Don’t respond to them with spiritual platitudes when they say they are sad, like “everything happens for a reason”. The greatest gift you can offer is just to be with them in their pain without trying to change it. If it makes you uncomfortable, become aware of that. And allow them to be sad. Allow yourself to be with your own sadness and discomfort with death, without trying to change it. Most people are. If you can, make them laugh. Let them talk about whatever. Because when someone dies, the arc to heal is long. It comes in waves. Just because they seem fine doesn’t mean they are over it. Some days they will be fine. And other times, especially late at night, they won’t be. They never know when it will hit them. A happy day can turn into an intensely sad night. You may never fully know what your presence means to someone who is grieving. But I promise you, it matters.