Top Tweets for #Comedimom
There's Uber Eats for adults, and Boober Eats for infants.
#comedimom
I'm tired and I thought of this great joke. Hubby didn't laugh as much as I wanted.
Why did the chicken 🐔 go to the moon 🌚?
Because he heard the sights were out of this world! 🌏
#tiredmom #comedimom #sarcasticmom
My children are obviously not afraid of monsters, as they continue to act unaffected by waking my disheveled self in the middle of the night.
#sarcasticmom #comedimom #tiredmom #momlife #kids
Meanwhile, at my house:
"ME DO IT!!"
And they never went anywhere on time again.
#kids #momlife #sarcasticmom #parenting #comedimom
*Driving up to a mall in a nearby city we've never visited*
3: What's this place?
Me: It's a mall.
3: There are TWO malls!? *mind. Blown*
Imagine her surprise that there are malls all around the world! ;)
#kids #comedimom #sarcasticmom
After two hours of putting 2 back in bed, I'm starting to consider tying one of her legs to her bed.
#Iloveyou #butgotosleep #momlife #sarcasticmom #tiredmom #comedimom
This week's definition of insanity is brought to you by: 3 demanding an explanation for the term "I don't know", and me not knowing how to explain it right.
#parenting #kids #sarcasticmom #comedimom
Hubs is in the living room with the girls. I'm laying down in my room. 3 has come in approximately 72 times in 30 minutes to ask me things. Clearly there is a favorite parent here.
#momlife #sarcasticmom #comedimom
Me to 3: ...So Yeah, Taco Tuesdays is a real thing.
Random old lady: Well no, it actually isn't!
Me: *shocked look, kept walking...and noticed her talking on her phone*
Me: Whew.
#tacotuesday #comedimom #sarcasticmom
I can hear my girls giggling and playing in their room, but as far as I'm concerned; It's Me Time, I already put them to bed.
#momlife #parenting #sarcasticmom #comedimom
3: Mom! (Indistinct)
Me: What? I'm in the shower!
3: Can you (Indistinct)??
Me: Can it wait!?
3: My poop looks like a chicken! Come see!
Me: I really don't want to.
3: Oh, but you really do!
#parenting #momlife #sarcasticmom #kids #comedimom
I understand you want to "DEW IT!!" yourself...but I really don't think you're going to get your pants on through that side of the arm hole.
#kids #parenting #momlife #sarcasticmom #comedimom
Call me old fashioned, but I'll stick with shorts that are long enough that people can't tell how long I last sat on the toilet.
#momlife #sarcasticmom #comedimom
1.5yo didn't nap today.
All day: Lethargic and cranky
At Early bedtime: Suddenly decides to become a master at Parkour, reads all the books, and is not sleepy at all.
#kids #parenting #momlife #sarcasticmom #comedimom
I'm both amazed and disgusted by how often my 1.5yo wipes her nose with her toes.
#parenting #kids #sarcasticmom #comedimom
1.5 bit her finger because I scared her while she was sucking on it, but she still laughed at me, so it wasn't that bad.
#parenting #sarcasticmom #comedimom
Sometimes adulting feels like when you accidentally put on lotion before opening a door.
#comedimom #sarcasticmom #adulting #life
Me: Look at this mess! We need to clean up, we can't even walk.
3: Oh, yes we can! Look! *proceeds to hop from random carpet spot to another*
Yes, apparently I was wrong.
#parenting #messymomlife #comedimom #sarcasticmom
3 just told on 1.5 for saying "shake".
Don't worry, I'm also confused.
#parenting #sarcasticmom #comedimom
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