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See there, NN? You really don't need to spend hours editin' images over in MidJourney just for throwin' 'em on silly posts like this one here. Grok's pictures work plenty good for that!
SFW illustration. No nudity.
🔞Rated R 🔞mythological content! ☢️Proceed only if you're not an oversensitive snowflake. Hate to say it, but nobody likes you! And neither do I! ☢️
$DOBBS #praisebob #memecoin #chaosmagic
Glimpses of the Past #20
What was "Bob" doing with Rand on the night of October 13 while Connie was having dinner with Babalon.
----------------------------------------------
[translating from some alien language]
("Bob" had just captured the president and the vice-president of Kthulthar, the world of the terrestrial squid people. And the two - and one more guy - are surrounded by "Bob", by Rand, by Mordecai, by the Overmen, and by the queen's soldiers.)
"Bob": You got that right. Them's the terms.
President (staring fixedly at the tablet that was handed to him): But this is absurd!
Vice President: We cannot hand over what belongs to the people to you!
"Bob": We're just takin' back what's rightfully ours, along with a little compensation for all the trouble y'all caused us.
Random Citizen: Look... I was just passing by when these two came running toward me. Truth be told, I didn't even vote for them.
President: You were enriching yourselves at our cost! The money you were making should go to the people, not to you or your queen!
"Bob": Aw, come on now! Like y'all could've kept them mines and factories even halfway productive after y'all stole 'em from us. Some shut down cold without our people runnin' 'em...
Random Citizen: Well... He does have a point, sort of...
President: We would have succeeded! We're only facing a temporary setback because we have to train the personnel, clarify how profits will be distributed equally, what their social function will be, how they will comply with environmental legislation, how prices will be regulated, what the working hours will be, how they will conform to licensing requirements, and how they will fit into the parameters of the new communal safety and security legislation. We've already formed a working group to discuss the matter.
Rand (filing his nails calmly): Obviously everything would stop working under all that bureaucracy... Sure... I feel like I’ve seen this somewhere before... Doesn’t this sound familiar, Mordecai?
Captain Mordecai: Hmph...
Vice President: No! They just needed a few more licenses. We would also have to hold a series of civil service exams. With a few more weeks, they would be running better than before.
Random Citizen: Look, I don't even agree with these guys... Like, it was kinda obvious that everything was going to come to a halt...
"Bob": Y'all three shut your traps! I ain't interested in hearin' a million excuses! Y'all went and messed with the gods' own property!
President: Who you are is irrelevant! We don't acknowledge gods! We do not fear them! All of this belongs to the people!
Random Citizen: Speaking just for myself, I'm scared to death of the gods—I damn near crapped my pants when I saw you choking out that whole battalion back there. Listen, I never received a dime from those companies. Actually, taxes doubled since these people came to power... Prices skyrocketed... some things disappeared from the shelves... Honestly, I've been without food for two days... I swear I have nothing to do with them—can I go? The fire's getting close to my house... I need to save some sentimental stuff before it's too late...
Vice President: You are racketeers! And murderers!
Random Citizen: You know... They did offer you guys a window to surrender without violence...
"Bob": I don't give a rat's ass what y'all think of me! Y'all laid hands on MY stuff! And those of Columbia, Barnum, Alphonse, and Vlad!
Random Citizen: Hold on a second... You two actually picked a fight with the Prince of Idleness, the Golden Princess, the Ringmaster, the Godfather, AND the Impaler... ALL AT THE SAME TIME????
Rand (quietly gauging how sharp his nails are): And the Selfish Witch.
"Bob": Yeah... That's right... Rand doesn't really have a stake in this. We're just datin', and she figured she'd come watch my back...
Rand: Hey!
"Bob": But y'all listen up now! Y'all seized Vlad's Primordial Ether Crystal mine, Columbia's nanochip plant, Al's Fhtagn Mglw'nafh distillery, Barnum's Osmiridium mines, and my factory producin' them precious Pegasus-Tricorn-Fairy Best-Friend-Hug-Me plushies!
Rand: ...
Captain Mordecai: ...
Random Citizen: ...
"Bob": What's the matter? Why y'all starin' at me like that?
Captain Mordecai: Huh... Boss... Is this some kind of front operation? Like... Are there drugs, weapons, or something like that stuffed inside those plushies?
"Bob": Front? Drugs? What're you talkin' about? I set up that factory here 'cause of the low taxes and damn near no regulations!
Rand (calmly, but with a hint of laughter in his voice): Since when... have you been selling plushies of... what was the name again?
"Bob": Pegasus-Tricorn-Fairy Best-Friend-Hug-Me?
Captain Mordecai: You came all the way here... over a factory that makes... those unicorn plushies?
"Bob": It's Tricorn! Darn tootin' I came here for it! Those plushies rank fifth in my income! How d'ya think I keep Dobbstown goin' strong with no taxes on nobody? Every little girl in Yacatizma—and beyond dimensions—can't get enough of the ol' Pegasus-Tricorn-Fairy!
Captain Mordecai: Uh... It's just that... Well... Kinda... Like... We blew up a few buildings... And there are all these bodies of their soldiers...
"Bob": Dang right! It's vital I keep that income stream flowin'! With that money I even pay for the Overmen's weapons too! By the queen my mother, Mordecai! Of course we'd come all the way here for the Pegasus-Tricorn-Fairy!
Vice President (voice trembling in fear): You destroyed our capital... over a... unicorn plushie?
"Bob": Tricorn! Dang it!
President: This factory was meant for something much more valuable than those worthless stuffed toys!
"Bob" (in a guttural, terrifying voice): It's extremely damn valuable to me, goddammit!
Vice President (voice breaking, beginning to sob): Our troops... All of them gone, poisoned to death by that smoke of yours...
Random Citizen: Hey... I'm not kidding... The fire's almost at my house... After a while I won't even be able to enter. I was never with these people... Can I just go?
Captain Mordecai: Huh... Boss... Isn't all this a little... disproportionate...?
"Bob": Absolutely not! Count your blessin's it was me, you two morons—if either of my brothers had gotten here first, they'd have wiped out way more than just your little capital city!
Rand (carefully comparing the nails on both hands): Really... I think you were actually pretty kind. I almost disintegrated half the city myself.
Random Citizen: I'd be really grateful if Your Divinities would let me go get my things... Ah... Ah! Never mind, the fire's reached my house now... Damn... I'd nearly paid off all the mortgage payments on that place...
"Bob": And on top of that, y'all are sittin' right smack on the edge of the NHGH Empire! It was us who were protectin' your whole damn planet and keepin' your folks from endin' up as slaves! He'd use this world as a launchpad to grab more of our territory and take even more planets. But hell, you already know that, don't ya? A low-down bastard like you's gotta be suckin' up to him in some way!
President: I don't care about your problems!
Random Citizen: Look... I think what Lord Dobbs is saying makes a lot of sense, if you gentlemen will allow me to express my humble opinion.
"Bob": Whatever! President just signs right here on the tablet, and the world's yours again. 'Course, it'll be under our wise and illuminatin' guidance.
President: It says here that we have to give everything back and cede even more! The state-owned Silvanite and Calaverite mines must all be handed over to you, and our universities must be turned over to that bitch of yours!
Rand (in a guttural and terrifying voice): What did you just call me, you filthy worm?
"Bob": Easy now, Rand. Rein it in—we done won this fight already.
Random Citizen: Uh... I know nobody asked, but me and a lot of folks around here think privatization is a great idea... Like, those state-owned companies pretty much just rack up losses... and they're full of people who get paid and do absolutely nothing...
President: And there are a bunch of other demands: cut taxes by 90%, shut down 150 regulatory agencies, sell off the state television network, eliminate 100% of the business licensing requirements. What kind of absurdity is this?! Where am I supposed to put all the government employees who work for those things?!
"Bob": Pink slips for the whole lot. Fired.
Rand: They'll manage. Eventually.
President: On top of everything, you want to humiliate us! Five-meter-tall statues of solid gold of the two of you! And what is this "erect penis" you specifically demanded?
Captain Mordecai: It's like one of those hectocotylus things you guys have. You know... for... um... depositing sperm in females.
President: You pervert! You damned capitalist! Get out of here and leave our people's property alone. Take your whore with you!
"Bob": All we need is the president's signature.
President: You will never have my signature!
"Bob": I said "president's."
President (as the tablet is pulled away and given to the Vice President): Huh? Wait—what’s happening? What do you mean by that?
Vice President (as the tablet is handed to him): Huh... What...?
"Bob": That's him—the president. In case the president's unable or dead, the vice turns into the president.
President (voice faltering in confusion and growing panic): But... But... I'm right here.
"Bob": Not for much longer, partner. Don't forget you pissed off Barnum too. He called dibs on ya to soothe his rage. 'Bout a day from now, you'll be in Yacatizma, right in Daremont's capital, Ringstone. Congrats, you're gonna entertain the HumBugs in his arena. Boys, y'all can grab him!
President (grabbed by two Overmen): Hey, wait! I didn't think it would come to this point! Hey, I'm the president! This is a war crime! Please have mercy!
"Bob": It ain't no war crime when you win. See ya nevermore!
Rand: Now you're not so brave. Good luck in the arena, asshole!
Vice President: Er... Uh...
"Bob" (turning and staring down the vice president): Well... That one was pretty dang easy... You agree to them terms, or we gotta call up... Who's next in the succession line after ya?
Vice President: Ah! Of course I agree!
Random Citizen: I just lost my house—can I have all the president's mansions and farms? Uh... Ex-president? And half of the Vice President's real estate? Uh... Now the president?
"Bob": Ah, sure thing! Why not, little buddy? We'll add that right to the terms.
Random Citizen: YEAH!
Captain Mordecai: Ah, you scored big, you lucky bastard!
Vice President: Wait, what? You can't just do that! Those are my things!
"Bob" and Rand (eyes completely filled with abyssal darkness): ...
Vice President (weeping): I mean! Of course! Half of my real estate...
![Dobbstokenonsol's tweet photo. SFW illustration. No nudity.
🔞Rated R 🔞mythological content! ☢️Proceed only if you're not an oversensitive snowflake. Hate to say it, but nobody likes you! And neither do I! ☢️
$DOBBS #praisebob #memecoin #chaosmagic
Glimpses of the Past #20
What was "Bob" doing with Rand on the night of October 13 while Connie was having dinner with Babalon.
----------------------------------------------
[translating from some alien language]
("Bob" had just captured the president and the vice-president of Kthulthar, the world of the terrestrial squid people. And the two - and one more guy - are surrounded by "Bob", by Rand, by Mordecai, by the Overmen, and by the queen's soldiers.)
"Bob": You got that right. Them's the terms.
President (staring fixedly at the tablet that was handed to him): But this is absurd!
Vice President: We cannot hand over what belongs to the people to you!
"Bob": We're just takin' back what's rightfully ours, along with a little compensation for all the trouble y'all caused us.
Random Citizen: Look... I was just passing by when these two came running toward me. Truth be told, I didn't even vote for them.
President: You were enriching yourselves at our cost! The money you were making should go to the people, not to you or your queen!
"Bob": Aw, come on now! Like y'all could've kept them mines and factories even halfway productive after y'all stole 'em from us. Some shut down cold without our people runnin' 'em...
Random Citizen: Well... He does have a point, sort of...
President: We would have succeeded! We're only facing a temporary setback because we have to train the personnel, clarify how profits will be distributed equally, what their social function will be, how they will comply with environmental legislation, how prices will be regulated, what the working hours will be, how they will conform to licensing requirements, and how they will fit into the parameters of the new communal safety and security legislation. We've already formed a working group to discuss the matter.
Rand (filing his nails calmly): Obviously everything would stop working under all that bureaucracy... Sure... I feel like I’ve seen this somewhere before... Doesn’t this sound familiar, Mordecai?
Captain Mordecai: Hmph...
Vice President: No! They just needed a few more licenses. We would also have to hold a series of civil service exams. With a few more weeks, they would be running better than before.
Random Citizen: Look, I don't even agree with these guys... Like, it was kinda obvious that everything was going to come to a halt...
"Bob": Y'all three shut your traps! I ain't interested in hearin' a million excuses! Y'all went and messed with the gods' own property!
President: Who you are is irrelevant! We don't acknowledge gods! We do not fear them! All of this belongs to the people!
Random Citizen: Speaking just for myself, I'm scared to death of the gods—I damn near crapped my pants when I saw you choking out that whole battalion back there. Listen, I never received a dime from those companies. Actually, taxes doubled since these people came to power... Prices skyrocketed... some things disappeared from the shelves... Honestly, I've been without food for two days... I swear I have nothing to do with them—can I go? The fire's getting close to my house... I need to save some sentimental stuff before it's too late...
Vice President: You are racketeers! And murderers!
Random Citizen: You know... They did offer you guys a window to surrender without violence...
"Bob": I don't give a rat's ass what y'all think of me! Y'all laid hands on MY stuff! And those of Columbia, Barnum, Alphonse, and Vlad!
Random Citizen: Hold on a second... You two actually picked a fight with the Prince of Idleness, the Golden Princess, the Ringmaster, the Godfather, AND the Impaler... ALL AT THE SAME TIME????
Rand (quietly gauging how sharp his nails are): And the Selfish Witch.
"Bob": Yeah... That's right... Rand doesn't really have a stake in this. We're just datin', and she figured she'd come watch my back...
Rand: Hey!
"Bob": But y'all listen up now! Y'all seized Vlad's Primordial Ether Crystal mine, Columbia's nanochip plant, Al's Fhtagn Mglw'nafh distillery, Barnum's Osmiridium mines, and my factory producin' them precious Pegasus-Tricorn-Fairy Best-Friend-Hug-Me plushies!
Rand: ...
Captain Mordecai: ...
Random Citizen: ...
"Bob": What's the matter? Why y'all starin' at me like that?
Captain Mordecai: Huh... Boss... Is this some kind of front operation? Like... Are there drugs, weapons, or something like that stuffed inside those plushies?
"Bob": Front? Drugs? What're you talkin' about? I set up that factory here 'cause of the low taxes and damn near no regulations!
Rand (calmly, but with a hint of laughter in his voice): Since when... have you been selling plushies of... what was the name again?
"Bob": Pegasus-Tricorn-Fairy Best-Friend-Hug-Me?
Captain Mordecai: You came all the way here... over a factory that makes... those unicorn plushies?
"Bob": It's Tricorn! Darn tootin' I came here for it! Those plushies rank fifth in my income! How d'ya think I keep Dobbstown goin' strong with no taxes on nobody? Every little girl in Yacatizma—and beyond dimensions—can't get enough of the ol' Pegasus-Tricorn-Fairy!
Captain Mordecai: Uh... It's just that... Well... Kinda... Like... We blew up a few buildings... And there are all these bodies of their soldiers...
"Bob": Dang right! It's vital I keep that income stream flowin'! With that money I even pay for the Overmen's weapons too! By the queen my mother, Mordecai! Of course we'd come all the way here for the Pegasus-Tricorn-Fairy!
Vice President (voice trembling in fear): You destroyed our capital... over a... unicorn plushie?
"Bob": Tricorn! Dang it!
President: This factory was meant for something much more valuable than those worthless stuffed toys!
"Bob" (in a guttural, terrifying voice): It's extremely damn valuable to me, goddammit!
Vice President (voice breaking, beginning to sob): Our troops... All of them gone, poisoned to death by that smoke of yours...
Random Citizen: Hey... I'm not kidding... The fire's almost at my house... After a while I won't even be able to enter. I was never with these people... Can I just go?
Captain Mordecai: Huh... Boss... Isn't all this a little... disproportionate...?
"Bob": Absolutely not! Count your blessin's it was me, you two morons—if either of my brothers had gotten here first, they'd have wiped out way more than just your little capital city!
Rand (carefully comparing the nails on both hands): Really... I think you were actually pretty kind. I almost disintegrated half the city myself.
Random Citizen: I'd be really grateful if Your Divinities would let me go get my things... Ah... Ah! Never mind, the fire's reached my house now... Damn... I'd nearly paid off all the mortgage payments on that place...
"Bob": And on top of that, y'all are sittin' right smack on the edge of the NHGH Empire! It was us who were protectin' your whole damn planet and keepin' your folks from endin' up as slaves! He'd use this world as a launchpad to grab more of our territory and take even more planets. But hell, you already know that, don't ya? A low-down bastard like you's gotta be suckin' up to him in some way!
President: I don't care about your problems!
Random Citizen: Look... I think what Lord Dobbs is saying makes a lot of sense, if you gentlemen will allow me to express my humble opinion.
"Bob": Whatever! President just signs right here on the tablet, and the world's yours again. 'Course, it'll be under our wise and illuminatin' guidance.
President: It says here that we have to give everything back and cede even more! The state-owned Silvanite and Calaverite mines must all be handed over to you, and our universities must be turned over to that bitch of yours!
Rand (in a guttural and terrifying voice): What did you just call me, you filthy worm?
"Bob": Easy now, Rand. Rein it in—we done won this fight already.
Random Citizen: Uh... I know nobody asked, but me and a lot of folks around here think privatization is a great idea... Like, those state-owned companies pretty much just rack up losses... and they're full of people who get paid and do absolutely nothing...
President: And there are a bunch of other demands: cut taxes by 90%, shut down 150 regulatory agencies, sell off the state television network, eliminate 100% of the business licensing requirements. What kind of absurdity is this?! Where am I supposed to put all the government employees who work for those things?!
"Bob": Pink slips for the whole lot. Fired.
Rand: They'll manage. Eventually.
President: On top of everything, you want to humiliate us! Five-meter-tall statues of solid gold of the two of you! And what is this "erect penis" you specifically demanded?
Captain Mordecai: It's like one of those hectocotylus things you guys have. You know... for... um... depositing sperm in females.
President: You pervert! You damned capitalist! Get out of here and leave our people's property alone. Take your whore with you!
"Bob": All we need is the president's signature.
President: You will never have my signature!
"Bob": I said "president's."
President (as the tablet is pulled away and given to the Vice President): Huh? Wait—what’s happening? What do you mean by that?
Vice President (as the tablet is handed to him): Huh... What...?
"Bob": That's him—the president. In case the president's unable or dead, the vice turns into the president.
President (voice faltering in confusion and growing panic): But... But... I'm right here.
"Bob": Not for much longer, partner. Don't forget you pissed off Barnum too. He called dibs on ya to soothe his rage. 'Bout a day from now, you'll be in Yacatizma, right in Daremont's capital, Ringstone. Congrats, you're gonna entertain the HumBugs in his arena. Boys, y'all can grab him!
President (grabbed by two Overmen): Hey, wait! I didn't think it would come to this point! Hey, I'm the president! This is a war crime! Please have mercy!
"Bob": It ain't no war crime when you win. See ya nevermore!
Rand: Now you're not so brave. Good luck in the arena, asshole!
Vice President: Er... Uh...
"Bob" (turning and staring down the vice president): Well... That one was pretty dang easy... You agree to them terms, or we gotta call up... Who's next in the succession line after ya?
Vice President: Ah! Of course I agree!
Random Citizen: I just lost my house—can I have all the president's mansions and farms? Uh... Ex-president? And half of the Vice President's real estate? Uh... Now the president?
"Bob": Ah, sure thing! Why not, little buddy? We'll add that right to the terms.
Random Citizen: YEAH!
Captain Mordecai: Ah, you scored big, you lucky bastard!
Vice President: Wait, what? You can't just do that! Those are my things!
"Bob" and Rand (eyes completely filled with abyssal darkness): ...
Vice President (weeping): I mean! Of course! Half of my real estate...](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/G8PfSAJX0AERL9L.jpg)
$DOBBS #praisebob #memecoinsolana #solana
Q&A #25
We're back here for another Q&A, y'all! Seein' as how Number None seems to be enjoyin' gettin' all distracted in them online squabbles 'bout AI, so I figured I'd drag his butt back in here one more time to run the dang session!
-------------------
Thanks, boss, let's jump straight to the question. Please don't smite me! I swear I'll stop these discussions and get back to taking care of the account!
Troll: You'll never be as good at drawing as I am! You have no talent! Grab the fucking pencil!
Response: You're right, I'll never be good at drawing and I really don't have any talent... You know what else I'll never be good at? I'll never be a good engineer, I lack the talent to be a good lawyer, I'll never become a good geographer, I'll never win a Street Fighter tournament, and no one will ever see me as a good skydiver either.
Maybe because I'm not trying to do any of those things! In the same way, I never wanted to learn how to draw and I still have no interest in it. I think I have other things to do that interest me more.
You can shove your pencil up your-
---------------------------------------
That was Number None, folks!
See y'all next time!
And NN, you better quit your foolin' and get back to writin' them legends of mine, or the Good Lord my own self's gonna SMITE YA!
$DOBBS #praisebob #subgenius #mememagic
Y'all can call me a pervert, a sorry asshole, a reckless fool, or a slick con-god all day long… but I, "Bob," damn sure keep my word and watch my people’s back.
...ὅθεν δὴ καθαρμῶν τε καὶ τελετῶν τυχοῦσα ἐξάντη ἐποίησε τὸν ἑαυτῆς μετέχοντα πρός τε τὸν παρόντα καὶ τὸν ἔπειτα χρόνον, λύσιν τῶι ὀρθῶς μανέντι τε καὶ κατασχομένῳι τῶν παρόντων κακῶν εὑρομένη.
Πλάτωνος Φαῖδρος
244e-245a
🔞Adult🔞mythological content! ☢️Proceed only if you're not an oversensitive snowflake. Hate to say it, but nobody likes you! And neither do I! ☢️
$DOBBS #praisebob #babalon #memecoin
-------------------
What really happened yesterday between "Bob" and Babalon on the night of the dinner, while they were alone.
--------------------
"Bob" (passing through the door of the chamber and calling out to Babalon in the darkness): Babs! Babs! Darlin', why're you wantin' me to come all by my lonesome to them blood pools of yours? You cravin’ a little private rodeo with me, sweetheart? But why's everythin' pitch black in here? You fixin’ to jump-scare me, honey? I’ve been missin’ you so hard it’s killin’ me, sweetheart.
Babs (speaking in a demonic, guttural voice): Approach, Lord Dobbs. Disrobe and step confidently into the magical circle right there.
(Torches suddenly flare to life, revealing Babalon with eyes pitch-black, pointed ears, and horns fully exposed.)
"Bob": Oh! Uh… Babs? Honey, you good?
Babalon: Disrobe! Obey my command!
"Bob" (Stripping off his clothes until he stands completely naked): Oh Babs! You lured me out here for a little one-on-one fun before we go play with the other girls, huh? You naughty devil gal! …But darlin’, why’re your horns all poked out like that? You hardly ever— Hold up… why’re them pools so dang red? You just finish sacrificin’ somethin’, baby?
Intern (chained and hanging upside-down, drenched in blood, voice low and trembling): Ahhhh… Help… Please… I can hardly think straight anymore...
"Bob": So… you been bleedin’ out some prisoner in here, woman? That what all this red is? Oh-ho, you beautiful psycho!
Babalon (voice making the entire chamber resonate): He’s your intern, you absolute moron!
"Bob": Holy shit! That’s really him! Aw hell, I plumb forgot the kid! Wait— FOR THE QUEEN! You used the intern’s blood?! I had a rough time smugglin’ that little bastard outta Hell! Babs, how could you do me like this?! I trusted you, woman!
Babalon: It’s ram’s blood, you utter fool! Your intern is perfectly fine. But he will remain so only if you obey my every command!
Intern (moaning, voice faint and shaking): Bo… Boss… Crowley sent me… I wasn’t sliced, but I’ve been hanging upside-down for so long… Please… Get me out of here…
"Bob" (suddenly turning serious): Alright, Babs. Cut the shit. What exactly is happenin’ here? This better be your idea of a prank, darlin’… ‘cause I ain’t laughin’.
Babalon (pointing imperiously): Enter the circle at once! Or his blood will indeed be spilled next.
Intern (screaming in pain as Babalon’s demonic voice reverberates): AHH!! OH GOD!! It hurts when she speaks! I’m begging you, boss! Help me! Please!
"Bob" (stepping into the circle): Woman, this is gettin’ way too damn sinister for my likin’!
(Black chains glowing with an eerie green light materialize from the circle and bind "Bob")
"Bob": What the he—Oh! Hot damn, I get it now! Babs, you little devil! You’re playin’ Dominatrix, ain’t ya? You scared the ever-livin’ shit outta me, you gorgeous psycho!
Babalon (demonic voice softening, slipping one hand beneath her skirt and the other inside her top to fondle and rub herself): Come, my love! Is this not exactly what you desire? Me?
Intern: Wha—Ah... Hello?
"Bob": Ah Babs! You gonna dominate this ol’ boy? You lil' naughty temptress! Oh-ho-ho!
Babalon: Such chains are designed to suppress your supernatural abilities entirely. On your knees, immediately!
"Bob" (popping a boner, getting down on his knees): Aw shucks, Babs… you want this ol’ boy tonguin’ them gorgeous feet? Hell yes, Mistress—your wish is my command!"
Intern: Huh… Your Divinities. I… I wouldn’t want to interrupt the moment, but… but I’m still here…
Babalon (demonic voice): Be quiet, you miserable excuse for a being!
Intern (thrashing in pain from Babalon's voice): Ah! PAIN!
Babalon (turning to "Bob", lifting his chin with her left hand): Now, Lord Dobbs... Before proceeding with any further indulgences, you must furnish me with an answer forthwith...
"Bob": Absolutely, Babs—uh, I meant Mistress!
Intern (voice very low, fearing being heard, practically inaudible): My God! They're going to kill me later for seeing this!
Babalon: Lord Dobbs... Ever so graciously, my dearest, do furnish me with an explanation... WHY ON EARTH DID YOU DISSEMINATE AN IMAGE OF ME IN SUCH AN UNGUARDED, CASUAL POSE ACROSS A SOCIAL MEDIA PLATFORM?????!!!
Intern (screaming): AHHHH! Please stop! My head's going to explode!
"Bob" (freezing in fear): Aw… Uh… But hey now… Ah… Shitfire… Check out all them fans you got now! Uh… Everybody’s goin’ on and on ‘bout them beautiful feet o’ yours!
Babalon (kicking "Bob" in the face and sending him sprawling to the ground): Contemplate my magnificent foot, you abhorrent asshole!
"Bob" (on the ground, dazed): Aw Babs, go easy on the Domme stuff, sugar! You didn’t even tell me what the safe word is.
Babalon (dagger firmly in her hand): It will be quite unnecessary!
(Babalon slices open "Bob's" jugulars)
Intern: BOSSSSSSSS!!
"Bob" (blood spraying across the chamber and splattering over Babalon): Ah… Uh… Ah… S-so… Sorry...
Babalon: I have no interest in your pathetic justifications! Your lesson begins immediately!
(Babalon drags "Bob" into the pool of blood, and he sinks beneath the surface, weighed down by the chains)
Intern (in absolute panic): My God! You killed the boss! You hell-spawned demon! He helped you! How could you!?
Babalon (gazing at the intern with utter contempt): . . .
Intern (realizing Babalon is staring at him, starting to cry pathetically): Oh God, oh God! Don’t kill me, I’ll do anything you want. Just please don’t kill me too!
Babalon (voice returning to normal): Are you some kind of idiot?
Intern: I… I…
Babalon: You… seriously believe that a Child of Chaos—like Lord Dobbs—could be dispatched merely by slicing his throat and drowning him in a pool of blood?
Intern (terrified to answer): Uh… Uh… Yes?
Babalon (pressing a hand to her forehead, incredulous at the intern’s stupid response): By Lilith, Rand told me you were an idiot, but this is next-level.
Intern: … Huh? What?
(Babalon raises her hand and the intern is abruptly lowered to the ground, hitting his left shoulder hard against the stone floor. His chains slacken just enough for him to wriggle free)
Babalon (calm again, voice soft but unmistakably threatening): He’s alive… I’ll leave him there for a day or two so the lesson sinks in properly. Then I’ll pull him out. Resume your meaningless tasks, little nothing. And your name was…?
Intern (still dazed, rubbing his aching shoulder, wiping ram blood from his face): Uh-huh, he’s… he’s okay? I… I… Can I go? My name… uh, my name is—
Babalon (cutting the intern off mid-stammer): Actually, spare me. I’m one idiotic syllable away from making you join him in the pool. Begone. I have a dinner to return to—$LUCE, Constance, Rand, and Minona are waiting. Inform Crowley and Gardner that their boss will not be appearing tomorrow. You may recount exactly what transpired here. Now go.
Intern (stunned, barely believing he’s still alive): Ah… ah…
Babalon (voice exploding into a cataclysmic, bone-rattling demonic roar): BEGONE!!!
Intern (running away terrified and in pain): I’m going! Please, my lady, don’t yell!
$DOBBS #praisebob #slackoff #subgenius
A whole bunch of them American accounts that was rakin’ in cash from political engagement done got busted — turns out they’re bein’ run outta Nigeria, India, or somewhere down in Southeast Asia, mostly.
They done went and pulled a whoppin' big embarrassin' screw-up! Pure-D embarrassin'!
They didn’t show me the proper respect, me—J. R. “Bob” Dobbs—by buyin’ my token and swearin’ eternal loyalty like they oughta. If they’d done that, they’d have earned my divine stamp of approval, the one and only “Official, Divine, All-Inclusive Excuse.”
That wouldn’t’ve kept y’all from gettin’ found out, ‘course not—hell no—but at least you could look ’em dead in the eye, bold as brass, with a straight face, and say:
“But I was just doin’ the holy work of “Bob,” y’all! I got me a full-on license from a certified Child of Chaos to raise whatever hell I need to, long as it’s mighty important for gettin’ my Slack back. Don’t you go blamin’ me—this here’s my religion! I was only tryin’ to make my God happy! Praise “Bob”! Slack Off! Amen, brother! You ain’t one o’ them Pink-boy SubGenius-phobe bigots, now are ya?”
And just like that, you’d spin the whole dang thing right back around and point that accusin’ finger straight at the folks who dared point it at you first!
So y’all did that?
Naaaaaaaaaawwwwwwww, hell naw!
Y’all are a sorry bunch o’ rank amateurs!
I reckon y’all learned your lesson good and proper, now don’t you ever forget how dang important religion is to the whole human experience! Catch y’all later, partners!
$DOBBS #praisebob #subgenius #memecoinsolana
I done noticed the feed got awful quiet all of a sudden. Word is folks found out some of them boys wavin’ the flag hardest live a fur piece away in India or Nigeria.
Me, “Bob,” ain’t sweatin’ it none. I been straight-up honest with my followers from day one: I’m a straight-shootin’ Duke from a mystical, divine dimension called Yacatizma, speakin’ to y’all through a mortal feller what signed a soul contract with me.
“Bob” shoots straight, always has, always will. “Bob” is truth incarnate, buddy!
Now, the feller what actually runs the page, Rev. Number None, he’s real cagey ‘bout sayin’ where he’s at on Earth. Tax reasons.
$DOBBS #slackoff #praisebob #MemeCoinMadness
Mornin’, y’all.
Today the fella runnin’ this account’s takin’ the day off to build up some slack, spend time with the family, and of course get some future stuff lined out for the Chaosverse.
Catch y’all tomorrow.
$DOBBS #praisebob #subgenius #memecoin
For some dang reason, Grok done flagged my last post's picture as sensitive—Ayn Rand, my lo—I mean, coworker—readin' a book.
Reckon the algorithm's watchin' me like a hawk for some reason. No clue why; we’re a straight-arrow account preachin’ traditional livin’; and Connie ‘n me are a bona-fide duo in love with Miss Columbia and the whole red-white-and-blue deal she stands for.
"BOB" BLESS AMERICA!
Droppin’ this harmless photo right here. If it gets censored too, I ain't got no choice but to restrict ever'thing by hand and full-on embrace the NSFW label on my account.
From the look on my face, y'all can see how worried I am.
$DOBBS #praisebob #subgenius #GrokImagine
Mornin' SubGenii!
Grok's really a whole lot better now.
Y'all reckon on seein' a slew o’ brand-new images made by him from here on out, folks!
$DOBBS #praisebob #memecoinsolana #memecoin
Mornin', y'all!
Them Grok pics done took a big leap in quality! Still a ways off from Midjourney level, but it's closin' in! Got the upside of not bein' near as censored as that one!
Still missin' the capacity for usin' pics as reference to mimic a style, and 'specially a decent editor, though. This here image was generated by Grok, but edited in Midjourney.
Just a matter of time.
$DOBBS #praisebob #memecoinsolana #memecoin
Howdy, y’all SubGenii!
The crypto market might be down in the dumps, but $DOBBS don’t give a rat’s ass and we’ll keep on postin’ like always.
If y’all didn’t know, we ain’t just an account postin’ random memes to gin up cheap hype. We got whole damn stories written, with several characters in them old posts!
More chapters droppin’ soon! Tap that follow, y’all!
$DOBBS #praisebob #memecoinsolana #occult
Q&A #19
This here's our Q&A session, y'all!
Ain’t got but a minute, 'cause I'm in a hurry to hit the golf course with my buddies. Let's knock out two comments I got on one of my posts.
The first one’s comin’ from Kalm Kelly:
Q: You are having low views. Are you shadow banned?
A: Bet the ranch, missy! Our account’s been in a forever shadowban. Any good occultist Chaos Magick operation callin’ down powerful entities (talkin’ ‘bout me and my gals) to smite foes ain’t built for mainstream! So them wise robot watchdogs at X—clearly workin’ for the Conspiracy—decided to rein in the wild chaos of $DOBBS, hidin’ it from searches. Now he only pops for folks who green-light NSFW. Outrageous! $DOBBS is wholesome, flag-wavin’, family-safe fun for every red-blooded American!
Next one’s from Admiral Julian! Well… ain’t exactly a question, but let’s roll with it anyhow.
Q: 🤗🤗bring🍑
A: You betcha, pardner! Peaches make my heart sing—never run short at my house! And at The B4 too, by the way. Nothin’ beats that sweet, juicy bite!
That’s all for today, y’all! Catch ya next week—keep swingin’ them clubs! 🏌️⛳️
$DOBBS #praisebob #slackoff #SolanaMeme
Howdy, SubGenii!
We done hit the 3k mark on X. The Token ain't took off yet, though. Reckon we'll hafta go even further to convince the rest that "Bob" is here to stay.
$DOBBS #PRAISEBOB #slackoff #mememagic
They done stripped the buyin' power clean outta yer money.
They done yanked any chance of you ownin’ a roof over yer head.
They done took yer health and run off with it.
They done sawed the legs off any retirement dream.
They done killed the possibility of you havin' kids.
They done stole your self-worth and you didn't even notice.
Now They want every spare minute you got left to keep their bellies fat.
Tell me, buddy—are you gonna let Them?
There IS a simple answer, dear friend.
$DOBBS #Subgenius #praisebob #memecoinsolan
A completely harmless memecoin, visually friendly, respectful of traditions, PG-13, SFW, and followin’ them Midjourney and X guidelines to the letter. $DOBBS is guaranteed family fun and safe fer the little young’uns!
Q&A #17
$DOBBS #praisebob #aiart #memecoin
Howdy! Here we are again!
We got ourselves a 24-hour ban on Midjourney. Reckon we better quit makin' them spicy images there, 'cause the next ban's gonna be a whole week! That brings us to the question of the day:
Q: "Bob," what do ya think of Midjourney?
A: It’s the cream of the crop for AI image tools, no doubt ‘bout it! Them others are just scrappin’ for runner-up!
Still, Midjourney’s one peculiar outfit. Full o’ them bullshit jobs (them moderators) whose whole gig is kickin’ payin’ customers out to the competition. That’s a right creative and kindhearted business plan! Sure is sweet how much they care ‘bout the financial well-bein’ of other companies!
Reckon it’s easier to do this than just slap a button to hide them boob-showing pictures. But them moderators gotta keep their bread and butter, don’t they? Let’s not even think ‘bout the horror when this company’s gotta stop actin’ like a prissy unicorn! Don’t dwell on the day them competitors catch up and all yer ex-customers are spittin' mad at y'all! No, sir, don’t think on that at all! Somebody’s gotta save the kids from all this rot made by them low-down deviants!
Here’s hopin’ Midjourney keeps bein’ as kind as ever to the next soul! Catch y’all next week, folks!
$DOBBS #slackoff #praisebob #MemeCoinMadness
Howdy, my esteemed SubGenii.
Get ready for more of that classic Subgenius/Discordian style poppin’ up more often.
We’ll keep mixin’ it up with different looks on the account, though.
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