Top Tweets for #passDataSummit
What did the shared lock say to the exclusive lock?
Nothing. It waited four hours. Then the app timed out and everyone got invited to a meeting about it.
Fewer meetings. Read Committed Is Cruel by Default: #PASSDataSummit West.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
I inherited a stored procedure today.
The first comment says TODO fix before 2009.
There is a GOTO in it.
This is not a joke. It is a cry for help.
So is my #PASSDataSummit West precon: T-SQL That Doesn't Suck.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The 9am report.
The 9am report who?
The 9am report, still holding locks at noon, and now the app is down.
One report should not be a hostage situation. My #PASSDataSummit West session can get you out.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
My window function spilled to tempdb.
Tempdb was fine with it. Tempdb has seen things you people wouldn't believe.
Window functions that keep their memory grants to themselves: my #PASSDataSummit West precon.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
My therapist says I have blocking issues.
My users filed a ticket saying the same thing in all caps.
We can all work through this together in Seattle.
Read Committed Is Cruel by Default: #PASSDataSummit West.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
What do you call a WHERE clause wrapped in six functions?
Non-sargable.
What do you call the person who wrote it?
You, eight months ago, in a hurry.
Come make peace with your past. T-SQL That Doesn't Suck: #PASSDataSummit West precon.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting lock wait.
Interrupting lock w
Msg 1205: your joke was chosen as the deadlock victim. Rerun the joke.
Read Committed Is Cruel by Default at #PASSDataSummit West. Fewer victims, better jokes.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Yesterday's execution plan.
Yesterday's execution plan who?
The one built for three rows. Today's parameter has two million.
Parameter sniffing, live and unmedicated, at my #PASSDataSummit West precon.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
OPTION (RECOMPILE) walks into a bar.
OPTION (RECOMPILE) walks into a bar.
OPTION (RECOMPILE) walks into a bar.
It never stops walking into the bar. That is the hint.
T-SQL That Doesn't Suck: a full day precon at #PASSDataSummit West.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
Why did Microsoft turn RCSI on by default in Azure SQL Database?
Because they had to run your workload themselves.
Not a joke. It is my strongest argument. I brought others.
Read Committed Is Cruel by Default, at #PASSDataSummit West.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
I asked an AI to tune my query.
It added DISTINCT, apologized, and said the real index was the friends we made along the way.
AI T-SQL gets a segment at my #PASSDataSummit West precon. Where it helps, where it lies.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
Knock knock.
Who's there?
A writer.
A writer who?
Doesn't matter. You're a reader under Read Committed, so you'll be waiting out here until the writer is done.
Read Committed Is Cruel by Default: #PASSDataSummit West, Seattle.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
I put NOLOCK on all the reports.
Now they are fast and occasionally fiction.
Row versioning gets you the fast part without the creative writing.
Read Committed Is Cruel by Default: my session at #PASSDataSummit West.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
Knock knock.
Who's there?
An implicit conversion.
An implicit conversion who?
Doesn't matter. You're scanning the whole table now.
T-SQL That Doesn't Suck, my #PASSDataSummit West precon. Bring your worst stored procedures.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
A CTE walks into a bar.
Then walks into the same bar.
Then walks into the same bar.
You referenced it three times. It is not materialized. It will keep walking into that bar.
T-SQL That Doesn't Suck: my full day #PASSDataSummit West precon.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
Nobody picked Read Committed. Ever.
It came with the box, like a free knife that only cuts you.
My #PASSDataSummit West session: Read Committed Is Cruel by Default. Pick an isolation level on purpose, once, as a treat.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Your query from this morning.
Your query from this morning who?
Exactly. Still running. Nobody remembers who it is anymore.
I fix this for a living. Full day precon at #PASSDataSummit West: T-SQL That Doesn't Suck.
https://t.co/RPJAul8rZu
Check it out! And I'll even bring @KimberlyLTripp with me 😀#passdatasummit #sqlserver https://t.co/a6tvhtOUYG
Pre-cons for PASS Summit West are official 🎉
I'm teaching a full day: "T-SQL That Doesn't Suck: Solving Performance and Concurrency Problems."
Come fix your slowest queries, worst blocking, and nastiest deadlocks with me.
https://t.co/CAa1EXyEVJ
#PASSDataSummit
Back in Chicago to bring human-generated joy to the people for @PASSDataSummit East! Register here: https://t.co/41PsjNgmzy
#PASSDataSummit
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