Andrew Van Houten

Human Male. Sky-plane driver. Jokey ha-ha man. Dance machine.

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

A man at the currency exchange in Windsor with a bunch of american dollars asking the teller to "Convert these into metric" is my hero.

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

@GamePassDad Remove the film. It's SO satisfying. Remove the film. Even if the board is damaged. Take off the film. Sooooo iiiiiitttt.

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

DRAGON FIRE CANT MELT ICE BEAMS. ALL THAT SHIT FELL STRAIGHT DOWN LIKE CONTROLLED DEMOLITION. #WAKEUPSHEEPLE #INSIDEJOB

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

@JasonEAlt Phasing is coming back? I FEEL YOUNG AGAIN!

[Neon Trotsky @neontrotsky]

the CIA protesting a right wing president being installed by a foreign power might be the funniest thing that has ever happened

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

My neighborhood rich enough ppl can afford shrimp, but poor enough they eat it in their car while smoking and throw the tails out the window

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

@JasonEAlt @KeithBBergman this is a minor brain fart error, and I deleted the tweet. But I feel a really weird, large amount of shame rn.

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

@AndyBledsoe in summary lol at ppl who think devos' education opinions or stance have anything to do with her appointment or are relevant.

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

@AndyBledsoe also his new company is still active.https://t.co/AUl1tLlIbA good friend to have for a president.

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

@AndyBledsoe he's still active by the way and his company is currently using Cessna air tractors to drop paveway bombs for clients abroad.

[Bob.Comedy @Bob_Fred_Rick]

Is it just me, or is it messed up that they are letting Michael Vick ref the puppybowl.

#PuppyBowlXIII #SuperBowl

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Activists should be pushing for more moderates to advise President, not fewer. How could having only extremists advise him possibly be good?

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

All these science nerds caring about carbon emissions are ignoring the real cause of global warming: my searing, burning-hot takes.

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

Like. This phone now. I burned like, 3,500 pounds of jet fuel to charge my phone to make this very tweet.

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

I plugged in my cell phone in a learjet and charged it. All the electrons in my battery were crammed in there by a jet engine

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

In the movie dances with wolves there is a sioux kid named "smiles a lot". His name may as well have been "totally winning in life".

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

@BurdMichael Color me Badgdad.

[Andrew Van Houten @Hauntedvan]

@BurdMichael Allah-nis Morisette