Boy Mom Life

Mom of 3 | Wife | #momsquad | Sarcasm is my spirit animal •She/Her•

[Boy Mom Life @Heatherheiser2]

Why does Siri pick up my worst possible parenting moments
#badmom

[Tim Walz @Tim_Walz]

Elon Musk is a terrible president.

[Boy Mom Life @Heatherheiser2]

Help support my kids and their Elementary School! During our fundraiser, I'll be paying it forward by giving back to others. Thank you for your support! https://t.co/hmk0NjAqLy #raisecraze

[Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom]

I’m not saying one of my kids is “more difficult” than the others, but so far my oldest wants a remote control car for Christmas, the youngest wants a stuffed unicorn, and the middle one has requested a dinosaur egg so he can raise and train his own velociraptor from birth.

[arluhh✨ @blondiiilocks]

99% of my Apple Watch use is me pinging my iPhone

[Boy Mom Life @Heatherheiser2]

My youngest has been in Japan for the actual majority of his life. He likes curry and rice and he loves Japanese culture. Im sad to leave Japan in the next year.
#thatsthetweet

[Boy Mom Life @Heatherheiser2]

@ScaryMommy Is this it? Is this the thing that marks me as old?

I still do the webmd thing 🤣🤣

[Boy Mom Life @Heatherheiser2]

@TheYorkshireDad Our kids have their own Amazon fire kids tablets that they enjoy, and I’ve downloaded their favorite movies from prime, etc, but they enjoy the iPad more. I’ve played with the idea of upgrading to tiny iPads for everyone but idk if I want to spend that much $$$

[Shelf @shelfcomedy]

me: god, why must you give me your hardest battles

god: i don't. you are my weakest soldier and these battles are so easy. it's an email why are you crying

[Average Dad @Average_Dad1]

My daughter found some “cool new stickers” and now I’m out $20 in stamps

[Boy Mom Life @Heatherheiser2]

@dumbbeezie Yikes. I’ll have to pass. 🤣🤣🤣

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

imagine it’s your day in court for a horrible crime you didn’t commit. your lawyer is late, you haven’t even met them yet. then the doors swing open, and it’s a fucking golden retriever in a suit. your heart sinks. you realize you are in air bud 14: attorney at paw. you weep

[c🏳️‍🌈 @rn_er_c]

Remember when you used to be asked, “Smoking or non-smoking?” at a restaurant?

No? That’s because we, as a society, made the decision that people who smoke can absolutely do so, but they don’t get to endanger others in the process.

Do you see where I’m going with this or

[James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn]

Me: Stop it.

11-year-old: I'm just doing ballet.

Me: You're kicking your sisters.

11: It's combat ballet.

[Boy Mom Life @Heatherheiser2]

@AnecdtlBrthCtrl Me, but with Grey’s Anatomy. 😬

[The Salty Mamas @saltymamas]

How to get more sleep in 2 easy steps!

Step 1: Stop creating tiny humans that hate sleep.

Step 2: Get the ones already created to sleep more.

Follow me for more parenting hacks.

[Boy Mom Life @Heatherheiser2]

My toxic trait is that I’ll turn on the tv for “background noise” and then watch the entire Harry Potter series instead of folding a single piece of laundry.

[Uncle Duke @UncleDuke1969]

“It’s time, my friend.”
“I’m not ready!”
“Fine, I can give you one chance.”
“Anything!”
“I offer this to everyone.”
“I’m listening.”
“You can stay…”
“Yes? Yes?”
“But I take Betty White.”
“Damn you. Let's go."

[Boy Mom Life @Heatherheiser2]

@iiheartgrey You clean your baseboards?

[Boy Mom Life @Heatherheiser2]

I’ve seen the cleaning schedules. When do normal people clean under their couch?

Because mine is NOT cute. Every 8months isn’t the answer. 😬😬😬

#momlife #cleaning