Professional Word Gardener

Professional Word Gardener

[Professional Word Gardener @heatherjs]

I'm a fierce writer, in the field as the dawn draws near and everyone's mind's a blank with uncontrolled slumber.

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

The postal abbreviation for Oklahoma is OK, but I’ve seen better.

[Professional Word Gardener @heatherjs]

@DaddyJew 💀

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

If I ever see a ghost that looks like one of those antagonists in Pac-Man, I don't think I'll be very scared.

[Professional Word Gardener @heatherjs]

I burned my toast so that you don’t have to.

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

sounds like this owl outside my window has quite the mystery on his hands

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

I'm gonna name my next dog Keith Richards so he will live forever.

[Marcmywords @Marcmywords2]

People that call this place X are the same pretentious posers that refer to UFOs as UAPs.

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

[speed dating]

Her: I’m a morning person.

Me: ok bye.

[Damon Hunzeker @DamonHunzeker]

Unless a chicken cooked it, it should just be called “fried steak.”

[Nayele18 @nayele18maybe]

A snooze button, but for when someone is telling you a boring story

[Rumi @rumilyrics]

Your time as a caterpillar has expired. Your wings are ready.

[DaddyJew @DaddyJew]

Me: goodnight moon

Moon: goodnight buffoon

[Natalie Would @_NatalieWould]

First date idea: we need to talk

[Richard Harris @RichHarris2]

When it’s hard to tell if someone loves you they probably don’t.

[Professional Word Gardener @heatherjs]

Airplane mode, but for people.

[Professional Word Gardener @heatherjs]

Let me get this strait- mine your own business.

[PUNS @ThePunnyWorld]

I changed all my passwords to “Kenny.”

Now I have all Kenny Loggins.

I’m alright…

I just like living in the danger zone.

[Noah Verrier @NoahVerrier]

My oil painting of a grilled cheese sandwich

[Wilde Thingy (new account) @WilderThingy]

While I might not be any good at my job, I comfort myself with the fact that everybody else is even worse.

[Wilde Thingy (new account) @WilderThingy]

Life hack: If you're feeling down, post a selfie. You can always rely on people online to lie to you about how gorgeous you are.