J

don’t come here for a good time

[່ @circusrat_]

"butt ass naked" is one of the best english phrases i think

[LASIK.com @LASIKdotcom]

Better Vision. Better Calls.

Still literally offering all NFL refs free LASIK.

[Samaria @samariajdavis_]

i hate when someone with adhd tell me “i’ll do it in a sec” like ho you’re lying. you’re not even gonna remember it in a sec.

[Cody Wimmer @Cody_Wimmer]

You want me to go apple picking? The original sin???

[Alice Etches @aliceetches]

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

[bri @bribrisimps]

I just found out that being a playlist curator at @Spotify is a job. So this is me officially submitting some of my best work:

[Soham @king26_sk]

your 20s are all about repeatedly rediscovering basic facts like "I feel better when I wash my face" or "eating breakfast is actually a great idea"

[horrified bystander @_gliv]

you’re not depressed you just need to hang out with your long distance best friends

[Alex @alexxmalloy]

oh look another beautiful day. should we all quit our jobs and get margaritas outside?

[tatyana ;) @tatbaee]

him : “are u stupid?”
me:

[ً @injtxn]

in my "oh okay" era

[jay ✰ @jayythewave]

being naturally funny is annoying. i be deadass and ppl just be laughing like wtf is funny

[Noah Kahan @NoahKahan]

We need Taio Cruz now more than ever. Come back king

[trash jones @jzux]

i wasn’t born for a 9-5 i was born to watch the sunset on a porch with my buddies

[your local atheist @versacebigmac]

pickles are great til you’re in one

[Daily Impact Stories💡 @urshntl]

it scares me how temporary everything is

[Jamey  @jameywalker11]

All it takes is a “you won’t” and ima do it idc

[Isabel Steckel @IsabelSteckel]

being the “wait what” friend is so liberating like im just here for the vibes idk what’s going on