Helpful Abomination

Look what he can do.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

@JacobFeldman4 @getnickwright

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

It's very kind of the places where I spend money to email me about how to save money.

Their solution? Spend more money.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

I'm not a child. I only like to eat the gross Jelly Belly flavors.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

Which way western man?

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

The post-season should be about interesting match ups. As an OU fan, hosting ND or BYU would have been awesome. The Alabama matchup is just the regular season expanded.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

@JoshPateCFB I feel like it is extremely under discussed how bad rematches are.

If the same team wins, why did we play the game? If a different team wins, it's dissatisfying and arbitrary that the second game matters more.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

Now that it's been a second since Apple dropped the headphone jack, I think we can all admit that simultaneously having multiple cords in a device as small as a phone was a chaotic thing to do.

I use an adapter to do it with my phone sometimes, and it's terrible.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

Doomscrolling is just channel surfing reincarnate.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

Is USB-C the mark of the beast?

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

I'm convinced the Hobby Lobby store layout is a direct map from the balanced chaos of the female mind.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

This means that while the ban affects billions of dollars and meaningfully alters the daily lives of countless millions of Americans, no one cares to a politically viable level, and Trump/Biden should be less scared to implement the law than they are.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

People overestimate the marginal value of one social media platform over another. These differences are enough to sway millions of people to move between platforms, but not enough to create meaningful political potency.
#tiktokban

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

You ever think about how Beyoncé is a little bummed out today.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

Can't wait to follow the election results on threads tonight.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

Got an email from a local school saying "LAST CHANCE TO GIVE YOUR FINANCIAL SUPPORT FOR OUR CLUB."

Like someone could show up with $10k cash in a month just to be turned away. They were too late.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

Music as a concept is wild. It's like "my ideal way to spend the next few minutes would be listening to rhyming sentences alongside harmonized chords."

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

You accidentally touched my foot underneath the table and now no one gets to spread out their legs for some reason.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

What is your plan to get Pride and BLM out of the public schools without the gospel? To what power are you appealing?

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco occupy the same slot in my brain. I'm frankly not convinced they're different bands.

Just like how Mel Brooks and Mel Gibson are the same person. There is only room for one movie Mel.

[Helpful Abomination @HelpfulSnowman]

Imagine climbing to a peak of masculine excellence by being a professional baseball player only to be marketed as a gae pawn. It's an exercise in humiliation.