Xander W

Australian | One sarcastic mother fucker | I probably drank your beer

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Sneeze when you see an Anti-Vaxxer and if they take a step back. You’ve won. #vaccine #VaccinateYourKids

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Owl Test: Put your hands up to your chest like you’re a T-Rex 🦖. Film yourself trying to lick your shoulder. If you can lick your shoulder you are part owl #owlchallenge #flexible #flex #challenge

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

I hate the way in Australia I pay a good portion of my salary in tax, just to have a bunch of old people who've lost their touch argue with each other in Parliament and to have Prime Ministers go through office like it's a fucking drive through. Now serving PM Number 31 #Straya

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Politicians: "Need to reduce our carbon foot print"

Citizens: "How about get rid of coal power and introduce renewable energy"

Politicians: "We can get another Earth"

#PoliticsToday

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

President Trump complains about the bad publicity he's receiving off Facebook, Google and Twitter. Maybe just maybe.....if you stop creating bad publicity by bitching about it or stop being an asshole. You'll be right #PresidentTrump #PDJT

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

*goes to the bathroom and pulls a few squares of toilet paper off and underneath * “We have updated our poop policy” #amreading #cybersecurity

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Old guy at coffee shop: “I accept everyone for who they are, gay, straight and bi...male, female and even transmissions”
#oldman #funny

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Well, Tax season is approaching fast...I’ll make dinner and light some candles so when the Tax office fucks me, it will be at least somewhat romantic #romances #money

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

If you don’t have a job and someone asks you what you do for work..just say you’re lead Engineer in the Left handed spanner factory #lifehacks

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

When an old person says “oh we never did anything like that” When you describe Netflix and Chill...remember they had drive in movies, Which they expect we believe that the suspension wasn’t tested....#old

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Biggest boner killer - People who believe in star signs and let that dictate their life. #dontgetagoogledegree #lifestyle

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

“Size doesn’t matter”, Try making that LEGO Death Star without the right size pieces #LifeLessons

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Never put a better looking person in your tinder pics #LifeHack

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Guy from Greenpeace: “got a moment to talk about whales?”
Me: “Sorry mate don’t need to eat more whale today” #LeaveMeAlone

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Finally found a use for bogans...use them as sleds in the snow! We will call it To-bogan-ing #Showerthoughts

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Not into it sorry #Microsoft

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Body builders...a symbol of what I could achieve.....if I didn’t like sitting on my ass so much #bodybuilding #fitnessmodel

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Alright @Twitter every time you update. Don’t fuck with my settings. I don’t need “in case you missed It” notifications #Twitter

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Snails are slugs with a mortgage #lifestyle

[Xander W @HereisXanderW]

Time moves like a fat kid towards a all you can eat buffet. Doesn’t stop for anyone until the job is done #LifeLessons