Tim Arnold

My drunken alter-ego 'Tony Bitchtits' sometimes tweets too.... instagram: @heytimarnold

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

Retail assistant to me while in the changing room:

‘Everything alright in there?’

Me:

‘No. I forgot how to put on a shirt, I have tangled myself and now I am trapped in fashion. Please call 000’

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

@MarinaHyde @richardosman I may be wrong, but I think the podcast cuts off and ends mid-sentence when talking about Apple Cider Vinegar. And there was a 30 second chunk repeated.

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

Dear @woolworths

I can get: 350ml on special for $10

Or: Twice the size, NOT on special, and it still costs less.

See the dilemma?

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

Fiancé got so angry with Google Assistant ignoring him that he threatened to burn it with the iron.

Has since been banned from communicating with Google.

#mygayfianceisabitch

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

@BasilZempilas Unfortunately I’m the wrong demo lol

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

@Qantas I sent a DM early this morning. Has it been seen yet? Thanks

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

Thanks to whoever packed my @Apple AirTags for the additional ‘gift with purchase’. Worried someone is currently bleeding out in the warehouse though

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

My dog is licking his lips as I stand in the kitchen preparing…a RAT test

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

Good of Bradley Cooper to offer some guidance - he’s been there himself when he pissed his pants on stage at The Grammys

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

If Snoop doesn’t do Menulog, then this halftime is over.

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

The random fact that our office is currently digesting:

Grace Tame used to be married to the kid from Cat in the Hat.

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

@ClaireMurph You didn’t even use the yellow letter in your third guess? Are you a mad woman?

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

New Years Resolution: Putting it here so I can be held accountable.

Now I own a house, I’m gonna build more blanket forts in the lounge.

Guilt free.

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

@biggsintweets I’ll reply to this around Valentines

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

Hold up. Why didn’t I know this was a thing?

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

@Buzz7_ @thatdanhill @parenteswagking I support this. The dub version affects the experience.

Look it’s not a masterpiece, but compelling enough to watch to the end.

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

Fiancé has sent two important pieces of feedback today

The 1st to our local MP about the need for lights at a particularly dangerous intersection

The 2nd to Google. Because our smart speaker won’t acknowledge him when he says ‘OK Google. Shut your face’

#mygayfianceisabitch

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

Fiancé: Be careful in the shower cos I just cleaned and I don’t want you to slip and break the glass

Me: So, the glass is the priority?

Fiancé: Yes Tim, it is. You have private health insurance. The glass in the shower doesn’t.

#adventureswithrein
#mygayfianceisabitch

[Tim Arnold @HeyTimArnold]

Fiancé and I have been arguing for weeks about how we’re going to do up the backyard.

Last night after dinner his long game was revealed

Him: You got to decide we’d have Indian, so now I get to decide the backyard.

#mygayfianceisabitch
#adventureswithrein