Joseph Highsmith

stand-up comic, reader of books, wanderer

[Josh RR Jokien @joshcarlosjosh]

when I say "I've got that dog in me" this is what I mean

[The Cultural Tutor @culturaltutor]

On the left is the oldest statue ever discovered. Found in Germany and known as the Lion Man, it is more than 40,000 years old.

On the right are two major films released in 2023.

Here's why they have more in common than you might think...

[Joseph Highsmith @HighsmithComedy]

@audge0 5 hour layover got me like

[Joseph Highsmith @HighsmithComedy]

What if they made a vape with a kazoo

[Joseph Highsmith @HighsmithComedy]

@waitressboner I mean, cigarettes are much cheaper down here..

[Joseph Highsmith @HighsmithComedy]

Kinda sad stores don’t have the areas for coin operated fun anymore. Like when I was a kid I could ride a slow rocket ship, get a temporary tattoo, a rock hard gum ball, a Monster In My Pocket, AND a Homies figure all for like 3 bucks when we were leaving Kroger.

[Joseph Highsmith @HighsmithComedy]

@heyitschili Send me the recipe! This looks amazing

[Kim Quindlen @kimquindlen]

Secret agent who is bad at lying

[Patton Oswalt @pattonoswalt]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Kim Quindlen @kimquindlen]

Drunk coworker at your company holiday party

[Joseph Highsmith @HighsmithComedy]

@notangelllll If you don’t….

[Joseph Highsmith @HighsmithComedy]

When I was a kid I’d see people ride their bikes with no hands and I thought they were SO COOL. Now that I’m 35 and see them do that I think they’re EVEN COOLER.

[Joseph Highsmith @HighsmithComedy]

I’m trying to be as annoyingly charismatic and emotionally supportive through an apocalypse as I can be

[Frank Lesser @sadmonsters]

If you truly believe life begins at conception, add nine months to your age and start celebrating your birthday on the date your parents fucked you into a zygote

[Joseph Highsmith @HighsmithComedy]

@ShaunakIsCool I mean, he IS a cryptid so…

[the other geoff tate @geofftate96]

america has never once learned from a mistake. 250 years straight. impressive

[Joseph Highsmith @HighsmithComedy]

@notangelllll I always said it became popular after “Game of Thrones”

[Joseph Highsmith @HighsmithComedy]

@amore_orless This is SO GODDAMN CLEVER

[Andrea More @amore_orless]

i wanted to fuck my coworker so i unionized my workplace. now we’re friends with benefits